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Author Topic: Tough time
XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Hey again. I'd just like to thank you all so much for your helpful replys in the past. They've gotten me through some pretty bad times.

Me and my ex are currently talking but havn't decided whether to get back together and I think I need to sort myself out before I can give stuff with us another go.

Ever since we broke up and for months before we broke up to be honest I just feel like a different person. People have commented on me "losing my sparkle".

It just feels like I'm walking through every day in a daze. I'm not the smiley, happy go lucky person I used to be and feels like the past couple of years people have been slowly breaking me down piece by piece.

I have no confidence left...something I don't really know how to fix. I've just kind of given up on life. I'm not threatening suicide now don't worry it just feels like every day is a struggle. I'm in college and my grades are fine. I'm deffinetly keeping on top of my work I'm just losing interest in everything. Going through the motions of each day, sticking to a regular schedule and trying to focus on school work is barely holding me together.

I rarely feel like going out with my friends and when I do it's just an effort to pretend to be enjoying myself, to keep the conversation going etc and I start thinking to myself what are you doing here? you don't want to be here.

I've started experimenting more with drugs then I used to. Not something I'm proud of. Taking risks I wouldn't usualy take. I just don't feel happy but I don't know why. I feel empty. I can't even remember the last time I laughed. Like really laughed. Not just laughing because everyone else is or because it's the polite thing to do.

It's like I'm just off in my own little world and to be honest these days most of the time that's where I want to stay. 99% of the time I'd pick being at home on my own with a book or a dvd then being around people. I almost feel numb to everything thats going on. I know my relationship wasn't healthey but atleast when we were shouting and screaming at each other I felt alive.

That's what I want again. I don't know how to put the feeling into words. Alive, awake, engaged in whats going on around me I guess.

I've been looking for a job but not been very successful as I thought that would be a good distraction. And I tried to get out and have fun with my friends but I just don't enjoy myself anymore. I don't really enjoy anything anymore. I'm sure I'm not much fun to be with as it's close to impossible to even get a smile outa me these days, I tune out of the conversation half the time wishing I could just go home to bed.

I feel beaten down, worn out and I guess I'm losing hope in everything. I don't know how to make myself feel better. I barely have the energy to get through the day.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Has anyone been in a situation like this?? Does anyone understand what I'm feeling right now??

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Hayley, I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down.

It actually sounds to me like you may be suffering from depression. Have you spoken to anyone about this? If not, I suggest you start by making an appointment with the counseling services on campus.

I'd also agree that it's a good idea to sort out why you're feeling like this before you talk further with your ex-boyfriend. You've already got enough on your plate without adding a relationship to to the mix. So, focus on yourself and take care of yourself, first, okay?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Yes I agree with you that I need to focus on myself for the time being. I've tried counselling before and didn't think it made any difference though. I know it helps some people but I kind of think that I've talked about all this soooooooo much. I'm not a bottle it up kind of person. I don't think there's anything I'd say to a counseller that I havn't already been rambling on at my friends about for months. I'm willing to try anything at this stage I just don't see how it will help. I've talked about all the stuff in the past a million times. If anything I think I'm dwelling too much on the past, analysing it too much and going into too much detail and that the thing that would benefit me the most is just thinking ya it happened it sucked but I'm moving on.

What's talking about it AGAIN going to solve? It won't change anyting. What happened happened and I don't see how any amount of talking about it will change it yanno?

Yes I've spoken to people about this

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Counseling isn't necessarily only about talking and rehashing the past. There are different approaches to therapy, and meds are also an option worth looking into. As well, we don't always hit it off right away with the first therapist we see, so if you haven't found therapy useful so far you may just not have found the right therapist for you yet.

The way you're feeling isn't likely to go way on itself, and if you're engaging in self-destructive behaviors it's time to get professional help.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Thanks so much for your help. Could you give me any information on other approaches??

I understand counselling for people who have difficult stuff to talk about or who don't have a good support network and need someone to talk to or a bit of support but I'm not sure it's going to change much for me

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Hayley, I have to leave now but I left a note with the other volunteers to make sure that someone continues this conversation with you if you'd like. And I'll check back in with you in the morning.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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The Mayo Clinic actually has a really good page with an overview of the different types of therapy here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/psychotherapy/MY00186/DSECTION=what-you-can-expect

Cognitive behavioural therapy, one of the most common approaches, might actually be very helpful for you - rather than simply talking about how you're feeling, it gives you strategies to get out of negative thought patterns and harmful behaviour patterns, and it sounds like that might be something that would be useful for you.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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-Firefly-
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In addition to what Karybu suggested, I'll link you to a thread from a few weeks ago about ways to screen therapists/counselors so you can find one that really fits well with you:

http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/025031.html

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Vero
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Help sustain sex ed and Scarleteen: donate!

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Hardwire
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I know how you feel Hayley. I was fighting that same battle not but a few months ago. And it really does look like depression. Only your doctor can help you find the best answer for you but for me Prozac came as a miracle, combined with regular counciling where I litterally just talk, and talk, and talk, and get good responsive feedback. It's really changed turned my life around for the better. I was even seriously contemplating suicide, honestly weighing the pros and cons of just offing myself. If it hadn't been for the sorrow and misery it would have brought to my loved ones I may not typing this right now. But have FAITH, because it's temporary. It goes away, just like any illness it needs to be treated. You've taken the first step by expressing your self and seeking help. Stay strong and remember, "this too shall pass."

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Keep things as simple as possible, but never simpler.

Posts: 3 | From: Choose not to disclose | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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