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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » 3 Years and I can't get over it

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Author Topic: 3 Years and I can't get over it
Member # 50920

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I was sexually abused at 15 by a boyfriend. First he said "It's okay if we don't have sex" then it was, "I'm breaking up with you if we don't!"

I spent every moment with him for 3 weeks and he constantly brought my self esteem down. I gave into his commands as I grew tired of him pushing me onto the bed and trying to get his way. I though if I just got it over'd be fine. I never got the chance to say yes or no. It was that or he'd break up with me, and I was so young I couldn't think of anything else. I was so stupid.

I even wanted him back after he got violent a couple times and dumped me. How pathetic! It took weeks for me to realize what he did. When I told my friends, they said it was my fault and they doubted it happened because he was such a nice guy. Then someone told me he did it to a lot of girls. We went to the same high school and he tormented me daily. All friends turned against me and I was alone. Thankfully, I'm out of the situation now and in a college.

Is it even rape? He was 17 and I was just barely 15. Can I take him to court? Nobody knows and I don't want everyone to know just for the case to get defeated.
It's been three years and I can't get over it. I feel ruined.

Posts: 1 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm sorry that you had an experience of abuse, Meta, and that you're struggling to heal.

I don't think you were stupid, for the record. It's often very tough to make sound choices when we're in abuse dynamics, because those dynamics are so manipulative. I don't think you were pathetic, either: abuse all by itself often doesn't automatically change our feelings about someone.

Rape is when someone does something sexual to, on or inside of someone else's body without their express consent and permission, or when they wear someone down with some type of coercion or force -- including emotional or verbal -- to make that happen. Threatening someone with something, like leaving them, to make them have sex is a sexual abuse, for sure.

Could you report him and create a court case? Possibly: certainly the former. Unfortunately, the latter will be difficult or unlikely if you didn't make a report then and go in to a hospital so they could collect physical evidence. But at the very least, you can always a file a report so that if and when he does this to someone else and THEY report right away and can have a case, your report can support their evidence. Do you want to get connected with a resource that could fill you in on your options with that?

As well, have you ever had any counseling or support groups to help you heal from this? We'd be happy to help you look into where to find those services too, if you'd like.

[ 12-17-2010, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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