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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Abused and Confused

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Author Topic: Abused and Confused
Sky101
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Member # 48777

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Ok, so, i've never really spoken to anyone about this before - i mean my current boyfriend knows everything because he is also my best friends and i didnt have much choice but to tell him when i started having flashbacks when he was around.
Basically my ex boyfriend and i were dating for about a year and half and for at least 12 months of that relationship he would sexually abuse me and sometimes use physical abuse aswell.
I ended the relationship about 18 months ago now and although i am dealing with it better its still a heavy weight and still effects my whole life hugley and i don't want to let him get to me anymore and need help talking about and working through it.

When i ended the realtionship i went to a very dark place and resorted to self harming. As mentioned before i also expereinced some severe flashbacks that resulted in me shaking and crying and not being able to make it stop until whichever incident i was reliving had ended.

My current boyfriend has so been good at handling the information and helping me deal with it. I think i am a little more ready to talk to a counsellor or something but i have no money to pay for one and still have my reservations about what will happen when i tell someone about it - like will it be reported to the police etc?

any advice on what to expect at a counselling session, just how beneficial they actually are and where i can go to talk to someone would be greatly appreciated

thank you x

Posts: 4 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Hey Sky101, Welcome to Scarleteen.

I’m really sorry to hear this happened to you, but I am glad to see your boyfriend has been such a positive support for you through these feelings. Flashbacks are very difficult to handle, and I understand feeling like they’re not stoppable, but in time they come less and less and you will have a lot more control over them. Something that a lot of people suggest is having something small you always have with you to help remind you where you are and to ground yourself. It can be a ring, necklace, bracelet, penny, etc – something that reminds you of better things and where you really are.

It does take a lot of time to work through past abuse, and often times counseling can be a great resource as it’s somewhere we can talk and not feel judged. I see you saying you’re ready to consider counseling – are you currently in school? If so could you turn to a school counselor for some supports? Often they can also link you with other counselors or support groups. Also, if you’d like some help in find a counselor in your area we can help you look around.

With the counseling, it really depends on the type of counselor as to what the sessions will be like. The first session is usually more of a “get to know you” session, where you don’t talk about the bigger things bringing you there, rather a bit about yourself so you can become comfortable with them. Know too? Talking can be difficult, and you may have a series of starts and stops while you become more used to talking about this.

I hope you realize as well that you’ve made such a big step in talking here, and remember none of what he did was your fault. We’re here for you in any way we can help.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3417 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sky101
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Member # 48777

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thanks for the advice on flashbacks - i have them less often now but they are coming back a bit recently - which is what promted me to write on here. I'll try it out and hope it helps.

Unfortunatly i have just left college so i dont have the option of seeing a school counciller but i think i would like to look into seeing someone to try it out and see how it goes for me - some help finding someone near me would be great as i just don't know where to look.

thanks alot for replying and offering help

Posts: 4 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Okay, so what you want to do then is send an e-mail via the "Contact us" button, and if you can give us your address there it'll be secure and we can help you look around for someone in your area. Do you have some type of insurance? Often times insurance can help with the costs of counselors. I'll leave a note for other staff to let them know it'll be sent and we can watch for it. Also, include your user name here please so we know which user it's coming from.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3417 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sky101
Neophyte
Member # 48777

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hey, i sent an email via the contact us link a few days ago with details of where i live but i havnt heard anything back either here or via email....just wondering if the email was recieved because i could really use some help finding someone to talk to

thanks!

Posts: 4 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sky: Can you resend? I've looked for it, but don't see it. Sorry!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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