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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » what constitutes sexual assault?

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Author Topic: what constitutes sexual assault?
Lilerse
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Member # 46007

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Almost exactly two years ago I was hanging out with this guy on a Friday night, who a week earlier I'd spent the night with in his bed while we were both completely sober and he'd been totally respectful and had let me sleep without interruption the whole time. So anyway, this Friday night, he was quite drunk, I was a little tipsy, we were at a party dancing, and we went outside and made out a little. We went back to his place where I expected to just sleep again but he expected a hell of a lot more.
He kept begging me to have sex with him, did the whole "I'm not pressuring you, but..." (which is obviously pressuring me), etc. etc. until I agreed to give him oral. After awhile he hadn't come so I stopped, but he kept begging me to continue but I was getting tired and he was still pressuring me and I told him he could just jack himself off. Then I left.
While I'd been giving him head, he asked me to deep throat him and I shook my head and he kept trying to get me to, saying "come on" and "just do it" and all this stuff, I don't think he tried to push my head down or anything but he was still being a jackass about it and it was so long ago I don't remember the specific details anyway.

So. After this happened I completely stopped talking to him, plotted his demise with my friends, etc. Unfortunately we're on a small campus so I see him a lot, but always feel like throwing up when I do.
About a year and a half ago he started a relationship with a girl and has been with her ever since. A few days ago I found out that she'd asked him why I hated him and he'd said something about me following him from house party to house party or some bullshit like that (we had gone to house parties together one night, but I most definitely was not following him). I decided to finally clear the air and facebook messaged the girl explaining that I hated him because he sexually assaulted me. She wrote back saying she was having a really hard time believing what she read (which is understandable; I'm sure I'd get defensive if someone accused my boyfriend of that too).

My question is, should what he did to me be considered sexual assault? Cuz mostly I just feel like I was disgusted with myself and that I regret it, which certainly can happen without sexual assault. I also really feel like he broke my trust.
I basically consider any type of coercion like that assault; one person is obviously not into it and the other is pressuring them. But since I technically said "yes" to giving him head, is it really right to call it sexual assault?

[ 08-25-2010, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: Lilerse ]

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bonnie.N.Clyde
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Member # 34135

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Yes. Even if you hadn't said anything, from what you've described there was definitely no question you were tired and wanted to sleep. The fact that he had to beg says it all. I know what's been sent online cannot be unsent, but I think a face to face conversation with this girl could have been more meaningful. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to see that sort of discussion turn into a physical fight or hurtful argument. You've told her your piece and unless she wants to talk about this outside of the facebook world (where she can't hear your tone, see your eyes), you should just try and focus on yourself.

Thoughts, anyone else?

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Posts: 116 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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