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A good friend of mine recently told me that her last two boyfriends abused her, the first one physically (he once forced sex on her while he was drunk) and the second one verbally and mentally through most of their relationship, which lasted about 2 years. I had no idea that there was anything so awful about either those guys, and I'm the first and only person that she's told about this stuff.
By the way, I'm posting here with her permission. She's actually reading over my shoulder as I type. =)
She's feeling a little lost and unsure how to begin getting over this stuff. We've been looking at some of the articles here and the message board topics for some guidance. She's hesitant about seeing a counselor, at least for now, but I suggested that reading some books on abuse recovery might help. I was wondering if anyone knew of any good books that might be helpful to the situation?
-------------------- The meaning of happiness is whatever you want it to be. Posts: 23 | From: US | Registered: Jul 2010
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You Can Be Free by Ginny niCarthy, is fantastic. It's for all ages. Parts of it are workbook style, so it's both supportive and very practical and clear.
In Love and In Danger by Barrie Levy is specific to younger women, and it's also fantastic.
I'm happy to list a bunch more, but those would be my top two.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63299 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Can you give me some clues about what you're looking for?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63299 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Such as how to get over, manipulation and how to say no and meaning it. Basically what this topic is about, and any books you think would be good for me to read.
"You Can Be Free" by Ginny niCarthy, as I suggested to Cloverdance, is one I'd suggest for you, too. I'd also suggest "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, a book I just suggested for another user this morning who got out of abuse and is having a hard time letting go. "The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse" by Laura Davis and/or "Breaking the Chains of Abuse: A Practical Guide for Survivors" by Sue Atkinson may also be helpful for you.
On assertiveness and esteem -- which is really what's core with boundary-setting -- you can look for "Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed," by Courtney Macavinta and Andrea Vander Pluym, or "Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame." by Beverly Engel. Per boundary-setting specifically, you might check out "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day," by Anne Katherine.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63299 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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This is probably the best book I've ever read on abusers. I read it again and again. I can't recommend it highly enough. Bancroft worked at Emerge, the first counseling program for abusers (ie. the perpetrators). Bancroft worked at Emerge for 15 years. The book basically summarizes everything you want to know about an abuser: what is abuse, common myths, the abusive mentality, forms of abusive, types of abusers, origins of abuse, how to stop it, and how to get abusers to change.
As somebody who grew up in an abusive family, and saw a lot of unpleasant parallels in my first relationship, this book really helped me understand what was going on. I can't say how awesome it was to read it. Whenever I get a chance, I harass people to read it. It's great. :-)
Hurting and healing by Gloria Wade - a very good book. Informative with interesting self help exercises and a section on how to find the right therapist.
I'll edit it for the other books when I'm done reading them.
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