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Author Topic: Eating disorder
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I have finally decided to admit the fact that yes, i have an eating disorder. Okay, i do, and i have done for a while, i havent ate properlly for a while now. The thought, look and smell of food makes me physically feel sick. Whenever i'm out with friends ill eat something, just so they dont worry and tell someone. But food never stays down. I cant stand it, and i cant bring myself to eat anything big without being sick.

And its all because of what one person did to me. If they hadnt left me alone that night after everything i wouldnt be the way i am now. If other people hadn't said what they said, i wouldn't feel the need to not eat. That one person hurt me physically so bad, im left with mental scars that will last forever..

Everyone thinks that i have a care free life, just because i put others before me. But i dont. And i have been telling people im fine and that there is nothing wrong with my eating, that im losing weight because im more active but its not. Friends are growing concerned because i like going to the gym. Theres nothing wrong with that?? Because not eating and going to the gym as much as i can, gives me a sense of control over my life, something ive never felt i had till now.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Hey smiler.

I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time lately. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, going to the gym or working out - but part of that healthy lifestyle is also making sure you're eating good healthy meals.

While you feel not eating and working out as a combination gives you a sense of control over your life, you'll soon find that control will be lost. The thing to consider in that is this: when your body reaches a point that it's not getting enough nutrition, you'll no longer be able to work out the way that you want to - because physically you will not be able to. This is something, as I'm sure you know, can really make you very sick. Do you have someone close to you that you can talk to? Someone that may be able to help you to find some in-person help? We are of course here to support you, but this is also something that you'll need a lot of help with in-person as well. Also,I want to offer you a resources.
Online resources for Eating Disorders
National Eating Disorder Association
Eating Disorder Support Groups

[ 08-09-2010, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I know its something i should be doing, and i understand that eventually my body wont be able to handle the lack of neutrition. But it really does make me feel sick. And i hate myself for putting myself through it.
I do have someone i could probably talk to it about, and they may understand. But i feel im asking too much from the same people all the time.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Are you in school/ at university? You could always talk to a counselor there. Ultimately, I'll be honest, it's going to come down to being something the people you care about find out anyway if you become very ill. While food may be something right now you don't like, you can't get around the fact that it is absolutely essential, thereby making this something you won't be able to deal with and work through alone. While we can't force anyone into counseling, we can say this is something that you're going to been professional help in working through.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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Im currently waiting for the holidays to end before going to collgege.
I know i need to get myself sorted because i cant keep going on this way, eventually something bad will happen and ill be the only one to blame. Ive heard mixed opinions about councelling some say it helps others dont. I think it would help, but i have issues actually sitting down and talking about my problems on a serious note. As i giggle when im nervous, makin it look like im not being serious myself.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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That's certainly not an odd reaction - a lot of people react that way when nervous. It's certainly nothing any counselor hasn't seen. And you can even mention to them if you giggle that it's because you're nervous, and know they'll understand that. Certainly counseling isn't for everyone, hence the mixed opinions. But understand there comes a time (and I see you reaching there yourself) when you know something is just way bigger than what you know or are able to handle. This really is just one of those things. And certainly it's never easy to sit and talk about things that we're going though, especially with a stranger, but a counselor would have the training to help you come to a point where you can eat and feelgood about that, and take care of your physical needs as well as the emotional ones. And I see you saying you think it would help, which is a big step in itself and you really should be proud of yourself for coming this far and asking for help already.

Too? Let's not worry about blaming anyone here, okay? Because it's not going to help you to blame yourself - it'll likely really only make you feel worse. What's more important now is taking care of you. Do you think you may be able to talk with this friend soon? I can guarantee while it's hard and you feel bad relying on them, they would want you to know because they care about you that you can go to them. They wouldn't want to see you hurting or sick.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Charcoal
Neophyte
Member # 48520

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Dear Smiler,

I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.

I suffer from anorexia. There are a lot of reasons why I am anorexic but they do include issues of control and wanting to resist having a woman's body.

I would really urge you to seek help. Eating disorders are very dangerous and spiral out of control. They feed on secrecy because if no one knows they can get out of control so much quicker. I know it feels like food and exercise are giving you a way to feel in control, but I'm afraid eventually the food and exercise control you.

It's up to you whether you decide to seek help and where you go to get it. Do you have any friends or family members who you could talk to? If you are at school or college, the counsellor there could be a good place to start. You could also go and see your GP who will be able to check the impact on your health and will refer you to more specialist care and support.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more :-]

Wishing you all the best.
Charcoal

Posts: 5 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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