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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Left Scared by rape

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Author Topic: Left Scared by rape
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I was raped when i was 14 by a so called 'boyfriend'. We hadnt been drinking and i certainly didnt want it.
But the thing that makes things worse for me was his best friend helped him :'( i was held down by his friend while he continued to rape me as i begged him not to.
Once he had his fun he left alone in the middle of some field. I was so traumatised by it all i couldnt bring myself to tell anyone. And i havent ever told my parents, i dont think i could.
Since then ive suffered alot. Ive had angermanagement, eating disorders and unfortunately self-harmed. Non i am proud of.

But i want to know if there is anyone out there who has been through it or can suggest a way of moving on. Because its tearing me apart..

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, and sorry you haven't been able to talk with anyone about your rape. For most survivors, just being able to start talking tends to be a common first big step in healing. And it's very common for people to have a very hard time telling others about any kind of sexual abuse and take that first step: you're not at all alone in that. I'm glad you felt able to start talking about it here.

We can keep talking some more, and/or we can also help you locate other online resources or resources in your area where you can get some help in-person. What would you like?

By the way, I do want to just give you a message that the way any of us reacts to trauma isn't something I'd say is about being proud of or not. How we react often has a lot to do with what our resources are and what support we have available, things which obviously differ very widely between people. But the things you're describing that you feel have been results of your rape are some common ways people's suffering does tend to manifest, so in that, too, I want to make sure you know you're not alone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67118 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I think i may have been able to handle it better if i could have spoken to someone about it. But it wasnt something, at the time, i was able to accept and come to terms with, so to speak.
An i would appreciate both please [Smile]
I think if i had chose to seek help maybe half the stuff ive been through wouldnt have happened, and although i do feel alone i know im not, as there are alot of people on here who have experienced the same as i have.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Pretty much all of us -- if not all of us -- would have. But very few of us had that opportunity or felt able to do that.

Glad to keep talking and glad to give you some more resources. Are you comfortable giving me a zip/postal code where you're at?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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Yeah sure
[ Jade, I'm editing out your postcode to ensure your safety. ]

[ 08-07-2010, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: September ]

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Thanks. It looks like the center closet to you is this one: http://www.tynesidercc.org.uk/

They provide counseling there, at no cost to you. I'd give them a call or go in to see about their availibility. Do you feel up to that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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Thanks for editing my post code.
And uhmm yeah i think i might go i and see them, itll be hard but its something i need to do.
Thanks for your help

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Of course. Do you want to talk a little more about anything, or is there anything we can do to help support you in going to see them or giving them a ring?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I think with this help ill be able to get a little bit of me back to normal, i just have to come to terms with everything else.
I think ill be okay, i might take my a friend whos experienced the same for support.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Oh, that's great that you do have a friend who can be a support for you in getting more help. Yay!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67118 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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Thank you [Smile]

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

Posts: 27 | From: Washington UK | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Glad to be of help, and know we're around anytime you want to talk. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67118 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiler
Neophyte
Member # 48185

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I appreciate the help, its been a long battle and now i feel im not alone.

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Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining, Its Up To You To Find It :)

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Sky101
Neophyte
Member # 48777

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I just discovered this website today and wanted to say that ive been through a very similar thing and its just nice to know i really am not the only one. I see poeple say it on websites all the time but to see someone actually talk about it is really reassuring to know im not alone and i can get help.
Im 18 now but when i was 16 i started a relationship with a guy. It lasted about 18 months but the last 12 of those months he would both pysically and sexually abuse me almost everytime we were alone together - and sometimes in public as well.
I did manage to tell my current boyfriend, because i had no choice as i was having flashbacks when things started to become physical with him and he had the right to know why i reacted this way when he touched me. However it didnt stop me, and sometimes still doesnt, self harming, im sorry to say that im covered in scars that will never leave me and im still not coping with the whole experience 18 months after ending the realtionship with my abuser.
I would love some councelling personally but am too scared of friends or family finding out or regressing and having more flashbacks or something....but i think as time is passing im more ready for help, i just don't know where to look.

if you want to talk about things then please reply, could do us both some good??

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orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hey Sky101, I'm sorry to hear you've had to go through all of that. Would you like some help in finding counseling services? It's actually more likely that you will have flashbacks if you do not seek counseling, rather than the opposite. Counseling helps you cope with flashbacks, and a counselor has to keep confidential what you say unless you are at risk of harming yourself or others.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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