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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » What happened to me?

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Author Topic: What happened to me?
selizabeth
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Member # 48148

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It's been months since this incident occurred, and I've tentatively identified it as sexual abuse. But I'm not sure. I grew up in a male-dominated, extremely sex-shy religion, and though I've left it, I still feel very ignorant about what passes for a healthy relationship.

So here's what happened. My (former) boyfriend, also raised in this religion, initiated sex. Then stopped, and announced that he was tired, and didn't feel like doing anything. I replied that I understood, it wasn't a big deal, and that we should both get some sleep. But then he started kissing and fondling me again. I was uncomfortable, especially since he'd said he was tired, and I said that was fine. I asked him to stop, and he said no, I know this is what you want. Eventually, I had to push him off of me to get him to stop, and when I did, he told me to stop being a diva. However, he did not initiate sex again. Two weeks later he told me he didn't love me anymore, and that was the end of the relationship.

What happened to me? Because I know something did. Something happened to me, and it was wrong. But I don't know what to call it, and I feel that I need to be able to identify it in order to deal with it properly. I could use advice. Guidance. Anything.

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Someone trying to push someone into sex they have made clear they don't want is someone attempting a sexual assault/rape. So, if you need a very basic term for this to start dealing, attempted rape is what you are describing here.

That said, we're glad to talk with you about it. Both rape and attempted rape are traumatic experiences, and with you, you had an attempt compounded by a breakup. That's rough stuff, selizabeth. We're glad to talk as much as you want, but is there anyone in person you can also talk with and get support from?

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Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
selizabeth
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Member # 48148

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It's just that having a term makes me feel better, somehow. Like I'm not crazy. It helps me work against all these horrendous stereotypes I learned throughout my childhood and adolescence. Thing is, I reported his emotional abuse and harassment. And because his dad is the president of my university, nothing happened. My ex still has his job on campus. He got a front row seat at *my* graduation. In fact, he was the first person I saw when I got off the stage.

The local police (this is a village, really, the university's bigger than the actual town) told me there was nothing they could do. They took my report, and that's it. I moved. Changed my number. And he's walking around like nothing happened.

I'm in therapy, for multiple reasons. I haven't had an appointment in a while, and for some weird reason this event is something I have only recently identified as abuse. So it's something I definitely need to explore during therapy. It's already affected consequent relationships.

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MY OWN LOVER
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An incident happened over my besties house.her dad kept touching me everywhere.He touched my boobs,bottom,and my vag.I didnt know what to do.My aunt was mad becauseI didnt tell her.I told her alot of times that I wasnt going to tell anyone and she needed to be glad that I told anyone.

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MY OWN LOVER
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Is this a form of assult or abuse???

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Yes, if your friend's father touched you in the way you're describing, that's sexual assault.

I'm sorry to hear that your aunt was so unhelpful in her response. Is there someone else that you can confide in and get some more support from?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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MY OWN LOVER
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I now hve support from her.She told me that she was sorry it was just that I didnt tell her first.I am kinda still mad at her but it is all good.Now that that incident happened I feel uncomfortable around men.

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MY OWN LOVER
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And yes I have my mentor and most of my family that I could confide in.

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I'm glad to hear that you have such a great support system.

Have you looked into counseling at all to help you deal with the fears you have now?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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MY OWN LOVER
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Not really. My counseling is talking to people that I trust.It may me a good idea to be put in counseling now that I think about it.

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
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"People that you trust" can include a counselor. It might take a few sessions before you're entirely comfortable and trust them, but counselors are generally very good at their job. Once you find that you feel a connection with and can trust them, it's an invaluable resource to use that will be very helpful for your healing process.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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MY OWN LOVER
Neophyte
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The thing is that it has almost been a year and i still do not feel comfortable around men.That just bothers me.I am not even comfortable around males thatare in my family.Is this normal????????

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

Posts: 13 | From: Virginia Beach | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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