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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Talk or not?

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Author Topic: Talk or not?
Member # 45941

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Hey Scarleteen...

When I was 13, I was in an abusive relationship with a 19 year old. He did a lot of things that really messed me up for a while.

It's about 6 years later now, and I'm 19. I don't have him on Facebook - but he's messaged me, and he's asked me to speak with him. He says he feels guilty, and he's worried about what my image of him is, and that he has a girlfriend and isn't trying to hit on me.

So... What should I do? I'm kind of tempted to talk to him, to tell him exactly how everything that he's done has affected me and... just get things behind me.

At the same time, I don't want to give this person any power over my life anymore. I'm afraid that I'd end up letting him in, or that 13 year old me is going to miss him, or something.

I don't know, I'm kind of torn, and I need some advice. What should I do?

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd say that if YOU need to say things to him to get resolution for yourself, your best bet is probably to just write this person a letter and send/email to him.

More often than not, when abusers want to contact people they abused, it's in order to either try and make excuses or to get you to try and help THEM feel less guilty. Not only is that not your responsibility, it's really inappropriate on their part.

I think the best question about this for you may be this: what would you want to get out of interacting with this person? What does it seem, realistically, like you could get out of it?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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