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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » I know you've heard this alot but is it rape?

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Author Topic: I know you've heard this alot but is it rape?
Thehiddenone
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I know people are probably sick of this as a question and how rediculus it is for me to ask this and i dont want to waiste your time! But alot of people have told me i've been raped but i don't believe it.

So background, i was with my [ex]boyfriend for 5/6 months and we had sex during this time, now not ALL the time, but most of the time, he would ask me to have sex. I'd say no, and he'd persistantly ask me until i gave in and said yes. So i said, yes, doesnt that mean its just sex? I don't see how it was rape but alot of my friends tell me it is. I do personally wish i hadn't of had sex with him and it was way to soon and i regret it. But really jjust can someone clear this up for me, was it rape?

Thank you, Megan xx

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Consensual sex involves consent: in other words, sex you either initiate where someone else says yes, or sex someone else initiates where you say yes. And not yes after nagging, begging, whining, threats or any other kind of coercion. Where yes is your own, full yes, and where, if and when you say no, the other person simply accepts that.

Rape is when one person wants and pursues a sexual act on, to or inside another person who does not want to participate, and who does not fully and freely consent to take part in that act.

We talked to you in the past about unhealthy dynamics in relationships in posts like this: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/009549/p/1.html#000000 Was this the same person?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68095 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Thehiddenone
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No this was a diffrent person, and other than these moments he was pretty much perfect! I do know it was pretty stupid of me to stay with him, but i broke up with him and its all over now, i just wanted to clear my head of this. Thank you for all your help over the past year or so! xx
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know I rarely meet stupid people or see them here. What I do more often see are people who simply don't know and haven't really been taught what's healthy and what isn't. I also see plenty of people who simply ignore or dismiss their own instincts, or who are scared -- either of being hurt worse, of being alone, what have you -- to get out of something bad.

For future reference? It might help to recognize that someone can't be "pretty much perfect" except for sexually abusing you. It's very typical for people who abuse in any way to be sweet sometimes, or quasi-okay in other areas, but abusing someone in any way always makes someone a 100% wrong choice as a partner, unsafe, and radically IMperfect.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68095 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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