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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » 1st post. raped by my best

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Author Topic: 1st post. raped by my best
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About 2 months ago I was raped by my guy best friend. I'll call him J. I had known J since 7th grade, and he knew me better than anyone else. We were so close, he called me his "sister." These past couple of years have been really tough. Freshman year I tried to commit suicide, was hospitalized/ put in a mental hospital, and had to go to therapy. For a while, things were somewhat ok to certain standards. I mean life is just a roller coaster ride for me. Constantly dropping and flipping, and spiraling until I puke. Anyways, so this summer was supposed to be happy. I was about to graduate high school and get a new beginning. I went to Mexico to visit family, and when I came back...everything went downhill. My best friend, J, invited me to his house to sleepover. This was a common thing to do amongst our group of friends. We were all so close, especially J and me. I trusted him completly. I had no reason not to. Freshman year I was prescribed sleeping pills because I had so much trouble sleeping. I always had horrible nightmares, and the pills did the trick. J knew all of this. He knew how the pills made me loopy, and forget things. He knew everything about me. He knew how low my self esteem was, all my previous relationships, heartbreaks. Everything. So I went to his house on a Sunday night when I got back from Mexico. I lied to my parents and told them I was sleeping over K's house. My girl best friend who happens to be J's ex girlfriend. Everything was fine until I took my sleeping pill. I told J I was going to go to bed in his sisters room, but he insisted on me sleeping in his room. He said he would sleep on the floor, and I felt so comfertable around him I agreed. Everything gets a little fuzzy after that. I do however, remember vividly that at one point J forced himself on me. He got mad that I was falling asleep and started to touch me. I was so drugged up and not at all myself. I couldnt push him off. I just remember being so sleepy. He got really aggresive...and raped me. The next morning he was not there when I awoke. I convinced myself it was all a bad dream, but later that night he came to my house to ask me if I could "forget about what happened." He said he was sorry and that I was like his sister and he didnt want to lose me. My fear was confirmed. I tried to act like nothing happened for about a week, but then I realized I simply couldnt. I stopped talking to him and avoided him. He caught on, got angry, and then came to my house one last time and told me it was all my fault and if i told anyone he would just blame it on me. He even threatened to tell my boyfriend I initiated everything and "cheated on him". I eventually broke my silence and told K, my other best friend. At first she was on my side but later she ended up choosing J's side, because she still loved him. She still loved her ex boyfriend, a rapist. After all he did to her, and all he did to me...she chose him over me. I cant understand this. I feel so incredibly alone. Please. Give me your input. I am right in thinking this is rape, right? My ex group of friends think its my fault. This hurts. So much.Help.
Posts: 1 | From: texas | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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The only person whose fault rape EVER is the the person who rapes someone. If anyone is going to assign secondary blame, then that's for anyone who in any way encouraged or enabled the rape.

None of those people are the person raped.

By all means, you are describing a rape here. one that the person you thought was your best friend purposefully committed. I'm so sorry this happened to you: being raped is always traumatic, and always a betrayal, but when it's done by the people we trust the most, it's even more so. Your best friend also betraying you on top of this is also terrible. Mind, that may be coming out of her own want to deny her own rape, but that still doesn't excuse her behavior or make how she reacted okay.

All of that said, how would you like for us to help? We can simply talk with you, we can direct you to any supportive or informative information on rape, at this site or others, we can help you find resources for counseling and support, we can talk about reporting and ways to stop his harassment now: whatever you feel you need.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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