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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » gf was victim

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Author Topic: gf was victim
Member # 43926

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I dont know if this is the right forum or not but anyways here it goes.

Back a few months ago when me and my gf started going out i found out she had been pregnant then it came out a month later she was raped and thats how she got pregnant. I was shocked and she hates talking about it. I found out they had been sexually active and he refused to use a condom and she wanted to use protection, he got mad and raped her. This was back in April i belive since she had the baby in January. She put the baby up for adoption so she no longer has it. Her parents also have no idea she was raped. very few know about it.

I love this girl to death and i want to be sure she feels comfortable with everything we do. I always ask and so far she has been fine.

I just want to know how i might be able to make her feel better or what i can do to help her get over the pain or at least help.


Posts: 6 | From: Indy | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I want to make sure that you know, before we say anything else, that your concern and sensitivity in this -- all by itself -- is already bound to help out a lot. She's disclosed all of this to you and obviously felt safe in doing so, which is a big deal. If you verbally communicate well around her consent and what she does and doesn't want, again, you're already doing a great job.

Have you asked her what she needs from you and how you can help? Have you asked her what she needs from you when it comes to things that are sexual? It sounds like condom use is probably a pretty loaded issue for her: have you been good with using them and not making a big deal out of it?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43926

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Communication is already a big thing for us, and we know about each others lives. I will only go as far as she wants and right now we havent even tried sex. Im not going to push that issue and will wait as long as i need for her to be comfortable. We have talked about it and it seems like it wont be an issue but idk. If i was her i would have a hard time trusting a guy again.

Condoms will definitly be used as that is the only form of bc she would be on unless she goes on bc. her mom has offered just to be on the safe side of things especially bc of what the pregnancy before.

Posts: 6 | From: Indy | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42651

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It sounds like you really do care for her. Maybe you should ask if theres any "Triggers" , these are things that would trigger images of her rape. All you can do is wait until she's mentally and physically ready.

Sorry , hope that helps.

Posts: 29 | From: Ireland | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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