Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » i feel like im insane :(

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: i feel like im insane :(
bobotheblue
Neophyte
Member # 43335

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bobotheblue     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i don't know whether or not this is the right place to put this but i just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so so stupid. I got more drunk than I ever had before at a party and a friend of a friend was encouraging me to drink more and then he got me to put his arms round his neck and carried me upstairs. I was completely out of it and i was so drunk he had to tell me to pout so he could give me a kiss. He asked me if i wanted to have sex and i was so confused I just said " what?". He said it would be useful if i did want to have sex and he had sex with me. I can't remember at all what it felt like, all I remember is putting my hands over my face. After I was still so out of it he had to redress me and when I came round a bit I looked in the mirror and saw i'd cried my eye makeup off. I feel so, so ashamed because I never normaly act like this and I feel like I can't tell anyone about it because they'd just be disgusted. I feel so pathetic because I know it was my fault because if i hadn't drank so much it would have never happened and when I saw him again at a party he was drunk and laughing at me and saying that I was gagging for it and when I said I hadn't been he got angry and said "how would you know? you were practically passed out anyway." I don't know what to do I hate myself so much for it and can't stop thinking about it. When I was having sex with my boyfriend a couple of days ago I thought about it and couldn't stop myself from crying and I couldn't even tell him what was wrong. I've been self harming and either binge eating or starving myself. I feel so disgusting and I can't stop thinking about it and i'm too scared to tell anyone in case they think i'm making a big deal out of nothing [Frown] sorry this is so long i just can't take it anymore.
Posts: 2 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

Icon 1 posted      Profile for cool87         Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sorry hun to hear about what happened. Just know though that it's in no way your fault.

This happened, this is past. No matter how much you culpabilise yourself for it, you can't change what happened, this is of no use but will only contribute to making you feel even worse.

You might have had power over whether you wanted to get drunk or not but it looks like you were coerced into it too, but there's no way you could have predicted in advance what would happen next. You were taken advantage of, you were raped and this is in no way your fault. The guy chose to rape you, it was his own decision.

Just don't believe what he's telling you. He's just lying and trying to culpabilise you when he knows this was his fault only. He knows you couldn't give consent. In fact, he's told you that you were pretty passed out and at the same time he says you wanted it to happen. It's contradictory since a girl who's passed out can't give consent and he fully knows that.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor ? Have you been able to tell anyone about what happened ? If someone is to feel disgusted, it's not at you but rather towards your rapist, really.

Too, I'd reconsider whether your friend is really a true friend if one of his friend rapes you.

[ 07-15-2009, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

--------------------
Sustain Scarleteen by donating
http://www.scarleteen.com/donate.html

Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, bobo, I'm so sorry.

What you are describing here is a rape. It doesn't make you disgusting, and this isn't about what you did. Someone intentionally got you wasted and then knowing you were drunk, used your state of mind in order to assault you. That is NOT your fault. That is HIS fault. he even doubly assaulted you by verbally abusing you after the fact.

I know even those two paragraphs can be a lot to digest (sometimes blaming yourself, even though that hurts, can be an easier pill to swallow than accepting we have been raped), but we can talk more about this, including your various options around reporting or pressing charges, as well as getting some care, whenever you like.

I do want to make sure, though, that you can at least have distance from this person, who clearly is not safe. Is it possible for you to assure you do not see him again anytime soon?

[ 07-15-2009, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bobotheblue
Neophyte
Member # 43335

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bobotheblue     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks so much for everything you've both said [Smile]
i really want counseling or something but I'm terrified about how to get it like I find it really hard to talk about and clam up and also im worried that if i talk to a counselor it will be hard to do without telling my parents anything? i feel so guilty because i know i should do something about it but im too scared to and people who are know both of us know nothing about it and think we've just had sex because he apparently boasts about it but to me it doesn't count as sex at all [Frown] i wish i could just forget about it but i can't and he even was showing off to someone about how he ****** a virgin so hard she couldn't walk the next day and even though i avoid ever seeing him the girl goes to my school and everytime i see her i feel SO guilty because it feels like partly my fault. I can't take it. sorry that was long again but i can't keep this all inside anymore and i feel like im just moaning [Frown]

Posts: 2 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Bobotheblue, there are some ways to start with counseling that would be helpful, but which are kind of baby steps: they don't involve you seeing anyone in person right away.

Talking here or at RAINN's online hotline (http://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline) are two, and calling in on the phone hotline for RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE) or Rape Crisis (http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/index.php) in the UK are some more. How about just starting with one or more of those steps for now?

In terms of disclosing to your parents or not, we can talk about your feelings about that, but you don't have to do that yet if you don't feel ready.

I hear you in how awful it is when, to a rapist, what they had is sex. It's obviously not to the person they raped. And then talking about it to others like it is is always deeply disturbing: it's a way of further terrorizing you, really, as well as a way they can deny what they did.

I also understand that it feels partly like your fault: that's a pretty normal way to feel (and we can talk about why if you like), but it's also usually not something, especially with talking and some counseling/support, you're going to feel forever. In other words, in time, it'll probably both be and feel more clear where the blame belongs in this.

Lastly, when deciding what to do about it, let's think about what YOU need right now. There's no need to feel guilty about whatever choices you make around this per how they may or may not impact someone else: you're the one in crisis, you're the one who has been harmed. You need to take care of you above everyone else now, okay?

You don't have to be sorry, and what you posted wasn't long. [Smile] You can talk about this as much as you'd like here.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3