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Member # 40207

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last year i was raped....and i have a new boyfriend now but everytime i have sex with him i feel like he's raping me...i know it doesn't make alot of since but im scared are all my relationships gonna be like that for now on??

***~keep your head up~***

Posts: 8 | From: cali | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'm very sorry that happened to you.

What you're experiencing now is completely normal. Many survivors feel that sex is triggering--that it brings back memories of their assault or full on fashbacks (meaning they truly feel as though they are reliving their assault).

First of all, if you are experiencing this right now, I encourage you to take a step back from intercourse for a little while. You may simply not be psychologically ready for sex right now, and you may need some more time.

How do you feel when you and you boyfriend engage in other sexual activities? Do you always feel upset? Or is just intercourse the problem?

You can also work on techniques to communicate with your partner how you are feeling and when he should stop. Do you feel as though you can ask him to stop at any point? If not, please do back away from sexual activities. If so, have you considered asking him to stop when you start to get upset?

Does he know about your rape? If not, I would strongly encourage you to talk openly with him about it, so that he can be more aware of what you may need in order to feel safe being intimate.

To answer your question directly, it may be a while before you feel ready and able to enjoy sex without thinking about your rape, but it definitely can happen. I am a survivor of rape, and I enjoy sex with my partner. But, from the beginning, he was EXTREMELY careful to not upset me. When we first started having sex, he always made sure that it was something I really wanted, and that I wasn't just doing it to make him happy. He'd ask if I was okay if I had any strange expression on my face, or if I seemed to not be enjoying it. After well more than a year, it's really not an issue anymore, but it was something that we had to work through together.

It has also helped me to seek professional help, which is something I encourage you to do. Have you seen a therapist to talk about your rape? If so, have you discussed these issues?

Here are some other threads and articles you might want to look at, in part so that you don't feel alone in your experience:

I hope all of that helps, and do come back if you have more questions.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40207

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thank u soo much!!!! [Smile]

***~keep your head up~***

Posts: 8 | From: cali | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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