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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » At the Top of My Lungs

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Author Topic: At the Top of My Lungs
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Lately I've been feeling a little voiceless, like what I say falls on deaf ears. I know they hear me; they see my lips moving, hear the words that I'm saying, but maybe because it's too awkward to think about, much less talk about, they ignore it, and start talking about the weather or what an awful day they've had.

I'm talking about being vocal about my abuse. Sometimes I'd like to scream it at people so they can hear me and hear others, so they can't turn the other way and act like it's not happening, like abuse and rape just don't exist. All too often it seems like people just don't want to realize it's happening, and maybe even happening to someone they know.

So how about we do that here. We say what it is we want to say to those around us, our family, our friends, even strangers on the street, sort of like our other thread, The Venting Room, only this thread will be just for survivors. I hope this can give us a chance to practice using our voices, and give us the confidence to use them even when it seems like no one is listening.

[ 04-08-2009, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42651

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Orca this is such a good idea. To actually know that what your going through is not just you. My child abuse was a secrete for roughly 7/8 years. And theres times that I felt like I was silently screaming. That no matter what I did , nothing would feel right again , sometiems it still doesnt. I tried bottling it up , tried drinking excessively , cutting , meaningless sex ,and all with the same outcome.

Its strange because im only eighteen , but I feel like iv been through it all , stuff that I should never have had to go through. But iv realised that by accepting it , and trying to accknowledge that I'll have my good and bad days that I'll be ok. I don't want to let him consume my life like he did for so many years. No-one can control my life but me.

And of course I'll always have questions mainly "Why?". I hope I never understand how someone can intentionally inflict so much hurt on someone else , especially when they are in a position of trust.

[ 09-01-2009, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: Perfectly_clueless ]

Posts: 29 | From: Ireland | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43619

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The times I most want to scream my story are when the guys in my classes turn everything into jokes about sex and/or rape. Sometimes, they see a bruise on someone's arm or something and laugh as they say someone's parents are abusing them. In most of these cases, it probably wasn't abuse but a common accident. However, they don't know that. I think people need to be more sensitive to the abuse around them, although they do not need to continually be afraid of saying the wrong thing. When I hear a joking comment about rape or abuse, it takes all the strength I have not to run out of the room and completely break down. Every joke they make reminds me of my experiences and reinforces the feeling that none of them could ever possibly understand.
Posts: 7 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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