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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Questions about a post I found somewhere else...

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Author Topic: Questions about a post I found somewhere else...
Member # 33142

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I normally wouldn't do this but I'm looking for some insite from a group that reads this stuff all the time. I found this and replied linking her to rainns and pandys. Am I crazy or is this abuse bordering on rape at times?

"At the weekend I visited my ex at his University by the sea. It was meant to be to talk things over because I have issues about our past. (He slept with my best friend).

Within minutes of getting into his room he forced me onto his bed and took my clothes off. I let him have sex with me once then pulled my clothes on and went to the bathroom.
Aften about five minutes he knocked and I came out and sat down to watch tv. He repeat it again and after a couple of minutes i started trying to push him off. I said no over and over and he finally let me go.

Its not the first time hes forced me into things, he just knows I cared about him and that he makes me feel vulnerable, like I can't stop him.

I don't know if I did this because I like the abuse in a sick way, I dont enjoy being made to do things, just maybe I want the attention.

I feel like Im a dissapointment for not looking after myself better. "

Unfortunatly she hasn't reported back anything but I am happy with what information I gave her. Two of us agreed and a couple other got nasty with us for saying that it could be rape but that that was up to her to decide, but I strongly reccomended that she find someone in real life to talk to.

Was I out of place? Sorry I'm still getting used to responding to people and I want to make sure that I'm not out of line.


Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What I hear you describing is not a "could be" scenario of rape, but a very certain scenario of rape, Lacie.

Know that (and you may already know this) rape apologism and denial is still very much alive and well and living in a LOT of people's psyches. You can pick nearly any given scenario of rape, no matter how varied, and there will always be someone who identifies with or sympathizes with the rapist involved and blames the victim or tries to explain away rape. It really, really stinks, but we are still a very long way, culturally, from everyone being at a place where they can see and identify rape, not get defensive or angry or competitive, or not project their own stuff onto it, whether that's because they have been assaulted and are not ready to acknowledge that or because they have assaulted someone themselves, or known someone who has and need to deny what they have done.

Too, a lot of people still very much frame "normal" sex in ways that are not healthy, and in which force, coercion or other abuses are things they consider to be part and parcel of sexuality or relationships.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33142

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Thanks I just needed to hear that I wasn't off base and that I did infact give her good information. I know that that is really all I can do.

Thanks's so touchy with me sometimes and I'm working very hard to fix this but sometimes I worry that I've jumped the gun or misread somethings.

Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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