Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Questions about a post I found somewhere else...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Questions about a post I found somewhere else...
LacieC
Activist
Member # 33142

Icon 8 posted      Profile for LacieC     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I normally wouldn't do this but I'm looking for some insite from a group that reads this stuff all the time. I found this and replied linking her to rainns and pandys. Am I crazy or is this abuse bordering on rape at times?

"At the weekend I visited my ex at his University by the sea. It was meant to be to talk things over because I have issues about our past. (He slept with my best friend).

Within minutes of getting into his room he forced me onto his bed and took my clothes off. I let him have sex with me once then pulled my clothes on and went to the bathroom.
Aften about five minutes he knocked and I came out and sat down to watch tv. He repeat it again and after a couple of minutes i started trying to push him off. I said no over and over and he finally let me go.

Its not the first time hes forced me into things, he just knows I cared about him and that he makes me feel vulnerable, like I can't stop him.

I don't know if I did this because I like the abuse in a sick way, I dont enjoy being made to do things, just maybe I want the attention.

I feel like Im a dissapointment for not looking after myself better. "

Unfortunatly she hasn't reported back anything but I am happy with what information I gave her. Two of us agreed and a couple other got nasty with us for saying that it could be rape but that that was up to her to decide, but I strongly reccomended that she find someone in real life to talk to.

Was I out of place? Sorry I'm still getting used to responding to people and I want to make sure that I'm not out of line.

Thanks!!!

Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What I hear you describing is not a "could be" scenario of rape, but a very certain scenario of rape, Lacie.

Know that (and you may already know this) rape apologism and denial is still very much alive and well and living in a LOT of people's psyches. You can pick nearly any given scenario of rape, no matter how varied, and there will always be someone who identifies with or sympathizes with the rapist involved and blames the victim or tries to explain away rape. It really, really stinks, but we are still a very long way, culturally, from everyone being at a place where they can see and identify rape, not get defensive or angry or competitive, or not project their own stuff onto it, whether that's because they have been assaulted and are not ready to acknowledge that or because they have assaulted someone themselves, or known someone who has and need to deny what they have done.

Too, a lot of people still very much frame "normal" sex in ways that are not healthy, and in which force, coercion or other abuses are things they consider to be part and parcel of sexuality or relationships.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LacieC
Activist
Member # 33142

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LacieC     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks I just needed to hear that I wasn't off base and that I did infact give her good information. I know that that is really all I can do.

Thanks again...it's so touchy with me sometimes and I'm working very hard to fix this but sometimes I worry that I've jumped the gun or misread somethings.

Posts: 108 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3