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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Advise please!!!!

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Author Topic: Advise please!!!!
PurpleSkyz
Neophyte
Member # 41182

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So I was raped four years ago, but didn't talk about it or tell anyone until about just over a year ago....I have been going to councling for the past year, and have made alot of progress I feel. However I still feel like something is bothing me regarding the issue. Something that is causing me to not get over it fully and still feel slightly depressed/angry, and I dont know what it is. It bothers me because I feel like I can't fix something when I can't identify it. I am looking for any advice on this at all. I just dont know what to do, and I feel frustrated and lost.
Posts: 2 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarleteen, Purple!

First of all, big kudos to you for finally speaking out and getting the help you deserve. That takes a lot of strength and courage, so be proud of yourself for that.

Unfortunately, if you don't know what's still bothering you, I won't be able to tell you what it is. But here's what I do know: As much as that sucks, one year of counseling and actively dealing isn't really all that much when it comes to sexual abuse and rape. It takes a little while longer than that to fully work through everything and heal. So it's quite possible that there's some aspect of your abuse, some aspect of how you feel about it, that just hasn't come up yet in your therapy. So, all you really can do is give yourself the time that you need.

Have you spoken to your therapist about that feeling? It might help a little to just put it out there and discuss what it feels like to you and what you think it means.

Aside from that, what does your support system look like? Are you able to be honest with your friends and parents? With your partner, if you have one? If not, that could be part of the issue, as well.

But most of all, be patient and give yourself time. I know that that's hard to hear because in situations like that we really just want to know how to fix it and put it behind us, but healing from abuse doesn't work that way and you'll have to go at your own pace. You're doing great already, so just keep going.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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PurpleSkyz
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Member # 41182

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Fear of being it being forgotten or lost inside me again...does that make sense? What if one day I just stop talking about it, It took so much for me to just start going to counciling and speak out about it, that I am scared that one day it will all be forgotten again, and that it will eat me from inside all over again. What if when I am done counciling I stop acknowledging it again almost... I know that I am still going to counciling and am clearly not done my healing but I think I am having trouble bringing it into my present me, and letting it be part of me, and an experience, but it not being either locked inside me, or me crying about it...I just need a way to..."zen it" with the present me...Does that make any sense or do I just sound crazy now?
Posts: 2 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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You do not sound crazy at all.

A rape is a difficult event to deal with, and it's difficult to find the right approach to it and the right way to integrate this with who you are and make peace with yourself over.

Here's what I think: we are the sum of our past. Whether we acknowledge them or not, whether we talk about them or not the things that we experience make up who we are, they become a part of us, they influence and shape who we become.

You are still working and integrating your rape and making peace with it. Keep going down that road, keep working on it. Eventually, you will find a way to live with your past and the things that have happened to you. It can take a while. And it can feel awkward, to have something as unwieldy as sexual abuse in your history: sometimes we DO just want to forget it, but we also know it's there, and we know we need to fully recall it and make it present for us to start to heal.

I suggest you talk about this with your therapist, if you haven't brought it up already. Learning what the rape means for you in the present and future, how it will continue be part of you, is definitely something that should be subject of therapy.

Most of all, how you deal with this is UP TO YOU. What happened wasn't your choice, you didn't get a say in it, you were robbed of your agency. But now? How you deal with it absolutely IS your choice. You get to own the experience, to deal with it the way that is best for YOU. You get to find that way for yourself, and as you keep healing, you WILL find that way.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pierrot
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Member # 41427

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I'm so sorry about what you had to go through, and I'm going to try to do my best to give you what advice I can give.

I've never been raped, I've never known anyone who was raped, but I can imagine that for many, many people this fear, frustration, anger, bitterness, depression, and anxiety never go away. I'm not saying it has to be that way for you though, I'm just trying to say that your feelings are legitimate. You were raped. I'm surprised that you didn't wind up with PTSD (or maybe you did, excuse me for being presumptuous if that's the case).

Keep going to counseling, is all I have to say to you. [Edit: encouraging someone to confront their rapist is rather dangerous in most situations, and not something we tend to do here. Please keep in mind the safety of the individual posting here. Thanks!--orca]

Above all, don't ever undermine your feelings. You did not, and I repeat, did NOT do anything wrong. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you, nothing.

I truly wish you the best, and recommend that you go to counseling for as long as it takes. Please have faith in yourself to get better. I have strong confidence in you that eventually you will move on and enjoy your life without looking back.

[ 12-06-2008, 01:00 AM: Message edited by: orca ]

Posts: 11 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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