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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Worried

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Author Topic: Worried
Member # 40082

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Is it appropriate to talk about abusive relationships with like parents here? It's not sexual or physical, it's just every other kind of abuse... I don't know if it's appropriate, but there's no one around to talk about anything right now and it's killing me.

Since my mother died, my father has grown increasingly more abusive towards me and my older sister. This happened when I was sixteen and now I'm nineteen and she's twenty. No one really cares because we're over eighteen now, we're legal adults. But, the economy's so terrible neither of us can get a job and he doesn't understand that. We've tried for three years and she had a job for a week before she got fired because they said she worked too slow.

He controls us by threatened to not buy us food or by kicking us out. He's gone months without buying food. We used to have like nine cats that he would threaten to kill and refuses to feed. We've had to try finding them homes, but it's kind of hard and now we only have five, but he's still hateful towards them and us. He calls us stupid and worthless. He intentionally makes me cry so he can call me a worthless little bitch and tell me how weak I am. Once he told me "I always wanted an intelligent daughter who I could have a thoughtful conversation with... but instead I got you."

I live in north California and got a boyfriend in south California, and I was so depressed and I just went to live with him for a month, and what back north for the school year starting. So I came home and my dad didn't ask me how I was or express any happiness at seeing me. He just asked me if I was pregnant and the next day told me how I make everyone upset and miserable and they were happier without me then called me weak because I started crying.

My boyfriend had to pay for my school and I just dropped out and went back to live with him again after a week of being home because I couldn't stand being with my father anymore.

Since then he stole my car and when I asked my sister to take the keys because I didn't want him ruining it. (He's a severe alcoholic who totaled a car and crushed his ankle because he likes driving drunk) He's punishing her for what she did because she tried to help me. He won't feed our pets and I'm surprised he gives her any food. He's destroying my car, won't give it back, and my poor sister has been walking to the pet store, getting food, and feeding the animals out of her hands while he's not looking so they won't starve.

He criticizes her for being compassionate towards the cats. He also has a meth addict girlfriend who threatened to kill my sister for stealing the keys.

I feel guilt about leaving them, but I can't handle living with my father. The thought of going back to the house or even mentioning what he does makes me break down in tears. There's a good chance I'm going to have to go back in a few days and he makes me suicidal. I've never actually had a suicide attempt but he makes me think about and want to do it. I cross the street hoping a car will hit me so I won't ever have to deal with him again.

My boyfriend's trying to help me and my sister but it's not working out too well and no one else cares. They just tell me to deal with or make it better when I can't.

I've gained 15 pounds in one month because my boyfriend actually gives me food and my father would hardly ever grocery shop.

He just tells my sister and me that we're not his responsibility, we're lucky he does anything for us, and he never wanted children. My mother wanted children, so he took care of us while she was alive, but now that she's dead he says we're not his responsibility.

His girlfriend is also trying to get him to kick my older sister out. I don't even feel like I can go back to that house because I think he considers me moved out... I'm afraid to talk to him because he once strangled his current girlfriend... I constantly worry about everything. The only time I'm happy is when I just don't think about it, but as soon as he's mentioned or what's happening at the house is reported back to me by my sister or friends, I fall apart again.

I hope my boyfriend is able to move back up there with me, but it might take awhile before I can get my sister and cats moved out. If my dad won't give me my car back or if he's destroying it like one of my friends told me he is, I won't be able to do anything for her.I can't even do anything legally about the car because the bastard was clever enough to use my money to buy it but register it under his name.

I don't know what to do about anything besides hope when I cross the street a car finally hits me and kills me.

Posts: 9 | From: California | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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It's totally appropriate, Hekate.

I feel very confident saying that you and your sister really need to get out of there. This is a dangerous and abusive scenario, no doubt.

What I'd suggest, for starters, is to find a local shelter for the cats. There are no-kill shletres where they are going to be a lot better off.

Once they are taken care of, it will likely be easier for you to feel guilt-free about getting out of there. One sound place for you (if your boyfriend's place isn't a permanent solution) and your sister to start would be your local YWCA. They are connected with all kinds of resources (jobs, support groups, people who can help one or both of you apply for food stamps and the like), and some even have very low-cost rooms for housing, as well.

I also certainly would NOT go back there alone. In terms of your car, as much as it sucks, I'd suggest just letting that one go. You're not likely to be able to get it back if the title is in his name.

Emotional abuse leaves scars just like other kinds of abuse do, so I hope you realize that the abuses you and your sister have dealt with are not "lesser." The way that you are feeling is beyond valid and not at all surprising, especially since this escalated when you'd also lost another parent. It's also not something you can "just deal" with without any real support or help.

But I think that if you (and your sis) can get better connected with resources, get some qualified support, and get separated from your father entirely, you're both going to start feeling a lot better soon.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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