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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » never want to forgive

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Author Topic: never want to forgive
Member # 37194

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Me and my sister fell out over my boyfriend months ago, we drifted futher apart as time went on. Every thing we'd say to each would be to score points of each other. a month or so ago i found my boyfriend in bed with my sister, he was drunk and unware that i was there but my sister did. Ever since then its like my lifes hit a wall, i called him every thing under the sun and even hit him to the point he bled, i blamed him for every thing, which makes it worse im pregnant. I dont want to tell him this i just want him to hurt as much as i do
and dont want to let go, but i know i need to
what can i do


Posts: 2 | From: Manchester | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, seems to me that you have two people who have betrayed you here, not just one: your boyfriend AND your sister. Sounds like you must also have a pretty unhealthy family dynamic in order for you and your sister to have had that kind of relationship in the first place.

You also can't control or influence how much someone hurts without stooping, which is unlikely to make you feel better in the long-term, or even the short-term, especially if when you stoop, he STILL doesn't hurt like you are.

So, what I'd focus on right now is what you need to do to care for yourself. Do you have friends you can talk to? Are you planning to remain pregnant, and if so, do you have support in that?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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(Also, there is no reason in the world to strike people until they're bleeding, no matter what they've done to wrong you. Do you normally have problems managing your anger?)
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37194

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I dont know
i havent thought about it when i do it just winds me up.
i guess i have my dad always used to hit my mum when she did something wrong and i just saw red!


Posts: 2 | From: Manchester | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 36725

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Sometimes anger can be very difficult to control. Have you thought of maybe looking for some type of help in managing this anger or even techniques you could practice yourself in taking that level down when the moment strikes? Sometimes even being able to take a deep breath and walk away from a situation for a moment until you’re able to deal with what’s made you angry with a level head and cooler mind helps. A friend of mine always carries a stress ball in his pocket and uses it whenever he feels he wouldn’t be able to handle a situation calmly enough.

I think the questions Heather asked are very good – and things that you’ll need to take some time in assessing. Especially with the last question, talking it out may help you in deciding what's best for you.

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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