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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Molested by a doctor -- now I'm terrified of MDs.

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Author Topic: Molested by a doctor -- now I'm terrified of MDs.
bootless
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I have this ridiculous fear of doctors -- it's so bad that I hyperventilate in medical offices and sometimes vomit. When I was maybe six or seven, I had to leave the pediatrician I'd seen since I was a baby because he no longer accepted our insurance. I had a physical with a new pediatrician who, during the exam, put his hands up the legs of my shorts and put his fingers inside me -- without gloves, without telling me that he was going to do so, without looking at me, without my mother -- who was in the room! -- even fully realizing what was happening. It took me until just this year to realize that I was probably molested. We never went back to that doctor. I vaguely remember my mom questioning me about what he did to me after the appointment. I know it's probably something I should talk to her about.

Anyway...this would explain my aversion to doctors. I always associate medical things with sexual things, when I know that's a ridiculous notion to have. I feel like doctors have a hidden agenda, that they all want to take advantage of me, and it's preventing me from getting the healthcare I need. I'm at an age where I should really be seeing a gynecologist, but I feel nauseated when I even type the word out. I've stressed over this so much -- I broke down crying when my doctor suggested that I make an appointment, which was incredibly embarrassing. I refuse to undress in front of any doctor, and it's really getting ridiculous. A person my age should not be acting this way.

I just don't know how to get past this. I've decided to get therapy -- not for this problem, but because I've dealt with manic depression without talking about it for far too long -- but I think it would be a good opportunity to confront this phobia of mine as well. The only problem is that I'm mortified and shamed to even talk about. Posting anonymously on a message board is one thing -- actually telling someone in person is another.

I don't know. What would someone in my situation do? Is therapy the best suggestion out there?

Posts: 8 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey, there bootless. I'm so sorry you were assaulted by your old doctor.

By all means, therapy would be a very good idea. But obviously, it's not a good idea for you to be unable to have healthcare in the interim.

What I'd suggest is simply screening your doctors very carefully, and making clear that you were previously assaulted by a doctor (no need to get more specific about it unless you want to), and you need a doctor who a) can be very sensitive to that, and b) has no trouble with a nurse being in the room during any aspect of your exam for your safety and so that you can have an exam with as little worry as possible. With many doctors who do GYN exams, a nurse is usually present regardless, but since this is obviously so loaded for you, I'd make sure in advance.

And if your doctor hasn't asked you what the issue is and made suggestions as to how to help, time for a new doctor, anyway -- really, your healthcare pro should have that level of concern, for anyone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Gwaihir
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Also, if it will help, you may want to choose a female doctor (especially one who's a gynecologist) rather than a male doctor.
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supersoaka
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why dont you try going to a doc that all your friends go to with a good clean record and go in with an open mind and a clean slate

if something is still fishy then maybe you need some prefessional help


but that kinda help is very very costly and not to say self medication is the right way of doing things but the way i see it is humans are natural healers

Posts: 56 | From: 386, FL | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
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Supersoaka, if you're implying drug use, we do not condone illegal activity here at Scarleteen. Please keep your suggestions legal.

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Lea

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supersoaka
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no im not saying to get wasted to help you cope

i am saying if she goes to a well respected doctor that has no history of abuse with an open heart and mind i dotn see why she shouldnt be ok with it

its the problem persists maybe she needs some professional help


what i mean by self medication and natural healing is this

jsut because a doctor goes to school for the whole time they practice does not mean that is the only solution

i dont recall anything that traumatizing in my life but i had some funky stuff go down when i was 10 i learned i cant blame others for someone elses problems

i know this is her problem aswell but if she can admit and believe that the fault is 100% off her shoulders i think she has a chance at healing herself without breaking the bank

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JamsessionVT
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The problem with that, supersoaka, is that most of us don't possess the knowledge or know-how to self medicate. And it's not something we condone very often here on Scarleteen.

I have to say, I am not OK, or in agreement, with the statement "if she goes to a well respected doctor that has no history of abuse with an open heart and mind I don't see why she shouldn't be ok with it." Something as traumatizing as an history of abuse is very hard to comprehend if you yourself have not been through it, so basically telling a user to, for lack of a better phrase, buck up and go isn't cool. This is obviously a very real and serious problem for this user, and implying that you don't understand why she can't just get over it isn't appropriate.

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Abbie
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bootless
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Thank you so much for your suggestions...and thank you, JamsessionVT, for understanding.
Posts: 8 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
furgewulf
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I too was molested by my pediatrician. I too have put off having a pap smear done for over 10 years because I fear it so much. I was in the emergency during Thanksgiving and the doctor said I need to get a pap smear done and I know that it needs to get done for my health.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Furgewulf, do you want to talk more about this? If so, we're glad to listen and/or talk about it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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