Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » moving on

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: moving on
babybear
Activist
Member # 30364

Icon 5 posted      Profile for babybear     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I really feel I have moved on from my last relationship, which was abusive.

I talked to him the other day on the internet for the first time in a soild month.

I'm just... I'm not angry anymore. I by no means am starting a friendship with him, at least not any time soon, but I can talk to him a civil manner on occasion. We even joked around. I let him know that I still remember what happened even though I am not furious anymore. I really have just moved on with my life.

I am wondering if I should still be angry? I almost feel stupid for not being angry anymore. I think back to the whole ordeal with him continuing intercourse when I was crying, and I wonder why I am not still holding a grudge (I still feel terrible that happened to me and I know he is a rat bastard). I am by no means forgiving him for what he did, I just have let go of the negative feelings in order to make myself a happier person. I have no desire to ever be with him or anyone like him again, so that's not an issue. I almost felt relieved after I talked to him because it really solidified my feelings of moving on.

Is this normal/healthy?

Posts: 250 | From: somewhere | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
James the Dark
Activist
Member # 32379

Icon 1 posted      Profile for James the Dark     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not having shared your experience exactly myself, I can't say for absolutely certain how you are supposed to feel. But, having experienced abuse of a different sort myself, I can tell you, we aren't built to be angry forever. It burns us out. Hollows us, until that's all we've got. If we let it, raging against what's happened to us destroys us.
What you're doing, I think, is one of the only healthy courses of action. You're confronting your abuser, and dealing with the past rationally. It's been said that forgiveness is often the only way that a soul, once wounded, can heal.

If I were feeling more eloquent, I'd continue. I'm a bit blocked right now. But still, if you can face him without fear or rage, even if it's through a computer monitor, that's an advancement worth its weight in gold.

--------------------
"And you're really asking me if I prefer injury to embarrassment? That's not even a choice. I don't know anybody who's literally died of embarrassment."

People are annoying sometimes.

Posts: 78 | From: Summerside, PEI, Canada | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
babybear
Activist
Member # 30364

Icon 1 posted      Profile for babybear     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Beautifully put. Thank you for the response, James the Dark. It definitely was a help to me.
Posts: 250 | From: somewhere | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
James the Dark
Activist
Member # 32379

Icon 1 posted      Profile for James the Dark     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Glad I could be of help, even partially as I was.

--------------------
"And you're really asking me if I prefer injury to embarrassment? That's not even a choice. I don't know anybody who's literally died of embarrassment."

People are annoying sometimes.

Posts: 78 | From: Summerside, PEI, Canada | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3