Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Is this abuse?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Is this abuse?
Midnight Dreamer
Neophyte
Member # 33147

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Midnight Dreamer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok I have been broken up with my fiance' for almost a wk now. I had been talking with my longtime guy freind when he asked me to come to his house. So I went up there and we went into his room. He came onto me really strongly and so I figured he wanted me and I was really upset and just fell into the moment so to speak. Then he told me he wanted me to give him a bj and I wanted to at first I thought he was into me and it would go farther. But when I started I decided that I didnt want to do it. I tried to stop I tried to get up and he just pushed my head back down almost to the point of choking me. Then when he was finished he said we shouldnt do anything else because it would mess up our relationship. Then he was really cold and sent me home. We have talked since then but we have never brought up that day. I dont know what to say or what to do about it was it abuse or just a second thought on my part I dont know please help.
Posts: 31 | From: U.S. | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, it's very difficult to clearly say no when you have a penis in your mouth. But a movement to stop and get away from doing that IS a no, and a person forcing you to continue with their hands is them ignoring that no.

So, yes: this is absolutely a sexual abuse, because you were not consenting to the sex at a certain point, and this man would not allow you to stop.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Midnight Dreamer
Neophyte
Member # 33147

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Midnight Dreamer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you Heather I kept going over and over it in my head I just wanted to know. If it was what I thought it was or if I was just over reacting.
Posts: 31 | From: U.S. | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One thing I can suggest -- which does not make this your fault, just so that we're clear -- is that it's sometimes a good idea to be doubly cautious with people we aren't very close to when we know we're under some kind of emotional duress, like a big breakup.

It can just make it harder to suss out or see people's motives, or see warning signs when there are any.

Another thing I can add -- and it's hard to put this in just the right words, so forgive me if this comes out clumsily -- is that generally, when someone wants to have sex that's about two people, really about two people, they won't initiate it by inviting one person to perform a given sexual activity on them, especially without any lead-up. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, but it's just a good idea to turn on your hazard lights and take a step back in those situations, such as even ASKING, outright if someone wants do do anything BUT what they're asking for.

And if we're not comfortable asking things like that, there usually is a reason for our discomfort, even if we're not quite sure what it is.

Regardless, it's not overreacting to feel abused or used when that is what happened. And it's not overreacting to question if something was mutual sex when it very clearly was not: someone holding a person to them who is trying to get away, priviliging thier wants over another person's needs and boundaries is very simply an abuse.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3