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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » mental abuse?

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Author Topic: mental abuse?
Member # 24120

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First off this is really long. So I am very sorry.

Ok.. I have posted many times before about the guy that I was dating, we will call him N. We broke up back in january. However, for about the past 2 months we have been hanging out. Before, everyone said that he was abusive. I did see signs of it, but never wanted to believe it. And knowing that I saw it, I question why I even hang out with him. However, we aren't dating, we are just hanging out with each other. During these times that we have hung out, we have ended up having sex a couple times. We did use protection and I am on birth control. I don't regret having sex, because I know that I really do love him. Well the side of him that is nice, and doesn't play mind games. And I know you have to love a person entirely before you actually do love them. But, I love him.. just not what he does all the time.

Anyways, yesterday he called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said "sure" but I said it in a wierd voice, because I was doing homework and trying to finish typing something before I got off track. So he took it that I didn't want to hang out with him. So I sat in my room depressed and finally went to the park to swing because I thought it would make me feel better. It actually made me feel worse, because one of my ex boyfriends was at the park. But then last night I text messaged N and everything was fine. He decided to go out to the bar and drink. So that was fine. Were not dating, I don't have to hang out with him all the time. So when he left the bar, which was early, like 10:30p, he called me. He was a little tipsy and shouldn't have been driving. So he told me he would call me when he got home because he needed to concentrate on the road. He ended up not calling me. So this morning I was worried. But I didn't text or call to find out where he was because I figured it would come out controlling and over protective. So at lunch he texted me and said "thanks for seeing that I made it home ok."

I then immediately felt horrible because I didn't check, and he wanted me to. But he said he would call. And he doesn't always do what he says, so I didn't think anything of it. So then tonight after he didnt talk to me like all day, he calls. And asks what I was doing. At that time I was driving home and I had just gotten out of a massive traffic jam, so I wasn't in a great mood. And when he asked what I was doing, I said " Finishing driving home." and he automatically thought I was being a bitch. And told me not to get bitchy with him. And when I said I wasn't he said forget it.. and hung up on me. I then felt even worse, and I really wanted to cry. In fact, I want to cry right now as I am typing this because for some reason this guy means the world to me, and when I am with him, it doesn't matter what we are doing, but I feel so safe and secure and right in the world.

So tonight he is being a pain and not responding to anything I send him. So I have stopped sending in hopes to not piss him off. In fact, I didn't go out tonight because I wanted to go where he works(a night club) but if he is mad at me, I don't want to go and make him even more mad, because then he will make my night a living H*ll. And I don't want to just sit there and do nothing.

I guess my main point of this whole long post is that I want to know if it is mental/emotional abuse. And why I love someone who makes me want to cry. Because I tried just not talking to him when we broke up, and it turned out horrible. I felt like crap, and wanted to cry all the time. I even hung out with past boyfriends and one of my guy friends, and I felt so wierd, like I wasn't supposed to be hanging out with them because I was taken. So I am having major problems dealing with all of this. I want to cry all the time, but I cry even more when I am not with him. He makes me happy as wierd as it sounds.

So I am going to be quiet now, any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Even if its to say to leave him alone. And if it is.. someone please help me.. because I don't think I can do it.

Posts: 65 | From: Edwardsville, IL, USA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm looking through your post history on this still (suffice it to say, it's long), but in a cursory look, can I just ask this: do you two LIKE each other?

Loving someone, or codependency are one thing, but do you LIKE him? Does he LIKE you? After two years, are you also really good FRIENDS?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24120

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I do like him. I enjoy being around him as a person and I completely trust him. From what he has told me and I can tell, he does like me. And likes spending time with me. However, he thinks I can be a big b*tch alot of the time. But, he tends to like to make me mad, because apparently, I am cute when I am mad. It all is just a crazy thing. Like tonight was a roller coaster of ups and downs again. But ended in him being fine. I really think he might be bi-polar, but he won't go see a doctor, or even think about that. And I don't want to bring it up to him, because he would get very upset with me. Anyways.. I have to head to bed as I have to work in about 8 hours. So I will say good night.
Posts: 65 | From: Edwardsville, IL, USA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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