Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Would you call this rape?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Would you call this rape?
lilbabybee06
Neophyte
Member # 31594

Icon 5 posted      Profile for lilbabybee06     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When I was about 4 or 5, I was at a family friends house (we call her aunt) and I was in my "cousin's" room. He was about 10 or 11 at the time, and he started taking my clothes off. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, so I didn't stop him or do anything. He started touching me and rubbing me, and it went on for about 15 minutes. When he stopped, he just left and it was like nothing every happened. I didn't tell anyone about it. It never really occurred to me what he was doing...until now, and I'm 16. It doesn't stress me out or anything, but it's just weird seeing him now and I wonder what really happened or if I should do anything.
Posts: 2 | From: ga | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's very tricky, much of the time, to determine whether things like this between two children are abuse or curiousity. More often than not, it is simply curiousity: children take action as consent. If he asked with out force or pushing, and you acquiesced without reservation, it would be pretty hard for a ten-year-old to think they were doing anything wrong.

It's even trickier to determine these things after the fact than it is right at the time.

If you wanted to, you could certainly talk to him about it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If he asked with out force or pushing, and you acquiesced without reservation, it would be pretty hard for a ten-year-old to think they were doing anything wrong.

I'd disagree - ten-year-olds generally have a pretty clear understanding that touching other people's genitals is "naughty" and not allowed, even though they may not have a full adult understanding of abuse and consent.

But there are two separate issues here - one is whether he understood what he was doing, and the other is the effect on you.

Someone older than you involved you in sexual activities that you couldn't understand or consent to.

And you can feel that was confusing or harmful (if you feel it was) regardless of whether he knew that at the time or not.

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I can also agree with those sentiments, and thanks for adding them.

Making the distinction between what may or may not have been rape, and what could, regardless of intent, be harmful is really important, and I overlooked it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3