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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Once again...

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Author Topic: Once again...
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Today I got some news that my ex boyfriend, who I left not so long ago because he was physically and sexually abusive toward me (god I hate saying that) had tried to over dose in the weekend. He has not tried to contact me or anything since he left for his job in another city, so I dont have to worry about him coming back. The problem is, I am worried he did it because of me. His friend said he was just so depressed after we broke up, and he thinks its my fault too. I dont want to take him back. But I never wanted him to hurt so much that he would do that. It sucks. I dont want anyone to hurt that much because of me. Should I try to ask him about it over the phone or something? What do I do? I never want to be with him again, but I did love him, and I dont want to see him doing this to himself either. I just dont know what I am supposed to do with this.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Honestly, hon? I wouldn't try calling him, because I don't think it would be beneficial to YOU, whether or not it would be to him (and likely, it probably wouldn't be that beneficial to him, either; even if there were anything you could say to help him out, which completely is not your job in the first place).

No one's actions are EVER going to be your fault, sweetie, and especially in the case of an ex-partner being depressed and/or suicidal after a break-up? It's not your fault because you didn't want to be with him, it's HIS issue and HIS doing, not anything you did to him or drove him to do - it just doesn't work like that and you shouldn't have to shoulder any blame or guilt for what he chose to do.

His friend's a jerk, quite frankly, as well, for placing that on you (because come on, if he can blame you? Why doesn't he turn it back on himself and ask where HE was with the support as a friend, not ask where you were as an ex-partner, because again, completely NOT your job in any way, shape or form), so I would try your best not to sweat that either.

Sorry I can't offer you more, hon, but really, keep your chin up - you did what was best for you, and there's NO reason that because of that you are in any way responsible for any of his actions. Just keep looking out for you, right now, alright?

[ 11-19-2006, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: dailicious ]

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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Aw, Em.

An abuser will always put blame on his victims. Always. Of course he thinks it's your fault. otherwise, he'd have to really look at the things HE did to you and experience some feelings of accountibility for them. Who knows? Maybe he actually did, which is what this was about. But you didn't hurt him. getting away from someone so that they do not KILL YOU is not hurting them: it is saving your own life and self.

Regardless, this isn't about you, and this isn't for you to deal with, at all. if your friend can't accept that, that's no friend to talk to, anymore.

So, what do you do? You let it go.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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