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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Ok now I really have a problem

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Author Topic: Ok now I really have a problem
Huni
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Member # 31306

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If you read what I wrote in my last topic you will know that I was in a bit of trouble. Well something else has happened that has just pushed me over the edge. I went to go and get the abortion just like I said he was waiting on me when I came out of the building. Like a retard I went with him anyway. He took me back to his house and he told me to go to his room to lay down becuase he knew that I was tired. When I went back there he came with me and I changed my cloths and got in the bed and he got in with me and he held me. That was all that I wanted was to be held. I felt so much better when he did that. He held me until I feel asleep. Well I woke up about a few hours later and I went into the living room he was on the phone. When he got off the phone he told me to go and get in the shower. I did. When I came out he told me to sit down on the couch becuase he needed to talk to me. He started telling me that he really did love me but what I was about to get I really deserved because I killed his child. As soon as he said that I started crying becuase I knew what he was about to do. He started raising his voice at me and I kept telling him that I was so sorry. He got in my face and started yelling at me about how there was no way that he could forgive me. Then he punched me in my face...HARD. I tried to run from him and lock myself in the back room but he chased me and tackled me before I could make it back there. He sat on top of me and punched me in my face over and over again. He took me to the hospital and I told the doctors that I had just got jumped by these girls. He was in the room the whole time so I was scared to say what really happened. Right now I have 4 stitches above my right eye. When we got back to his house he held me in his arms and this time he started crying telling me that he was soo sorry and that he was just mad and that he let his anger get the best of him and that he wished that I would have never went to the clinic. He was saying that he wanted the baby. I didn't say anything the whole time but I was looking him in his eyes. I wish you could have seen the hurt in his eyes. I don't know what to do. I want to tell someone but I don't want to hurt him anymore that I already have. HELP. I can't even go to work becuase I would have to wear sunglasses all day long. My lips are busted and my body is sore because he was hitting me hard. I don't know what to do. Why do I still love him? Why?

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ENOUGH

Posts: 30 | From: california | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Where are your parents, Huni?

You have not hurt this guy. At all. A victim isn't hurting an abuser: it is the other way around.

Deal with why you love him later. NOW you need immediate crisis management, the sort we have been advising you to get. Go and get it.

If you cannot go to your parents -- which I would advise you to do -- go to the police, NOW.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ghostie
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quote:
Originally posted by Huni:
I want to tell someone but I don't want to hurt him anymore that I already have.

That is just all wrong [Frown] You are in danger huni! You really must tell someone, but from where you know you are safe. This will take an awful lot of courage, and maybe you might even regret it straight away for turning the one you love in, but looking back you will know that you did the right thing, protecting yourself from more physical and emotional damage.

Also, his rapid mood changes seem very dangerous, and IMO he needs to see someone, be it a counseller or a doctor.
The good times you share will obviously make you feel secure and like things are all well, but this is a very dangerous position to be in, and the good things often cloud the bad.

It is easy for me to tell you that you should tell somebody what he has done to you, but of course you do love him so it will take a lot for you, and i wish you the best of luck <3
sorry i can't say much more.

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Gwaihir
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This man does NOT love you, Huni. No matter what he tells you--he may even think that he loves you himself, but if that's true then his idea of "love" is as sick and twisted as he is.
A man who truly loves someone--a healthy fulfilling love does NOT hit them. He does not rape or emotionally manipulate his partner. . which are all things this man has done to you.
I can do nothing more than echo what every volunteer has told you here:
get out of this relationship, get yourself safe and don't look back.
As anyone who works with abuse victims will tell you: an abusive partner will not stop abusing. No matter how much they say they love you, if you don't leave at some point, they will just keep hurting you until they kill you.

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Huni
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I had just had an abortion earlier that day. That was why he was so nice when I first got there. I love him to death but I do plan on getting out of this relationship. He know everything about me. He has told me that he will never let me go and that is what is scaring me. Sure I can get out of this relationship go to the police get a restraining order but get this... I don't get off until night and he know were and what time I get off of work so what if he does come when I get off? What am I going to do throw the restraining order paper at him? What if he gets me before I call the police? I don't want to leave him becuase I love him but I do want to leave him before he hurts me even more than he already has!!!! I don't want this anymore. He is talking about trying to get me pregnant again!!!! I don't want to go through this anymore. I live with him also so what am I going to do about that?????? My parents stay to far away so either way it goes I am screwed!!!!

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ENOUGH

Posts: 30 | From: california | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Leave work early. NOW. (You just said you weren't even going in today, so I'm a little confused as to what has changed in the last couple hours.)

If you must, tell your employer why you have to go: I assure you, they will understand. If you cannot be that honest, let them know you were attacked and need to report it.

You are not screwed either way. Go to the police. NOW.

They will take care of all of this, tell you how to manage the order (they are responsible for serving it, not you), and will help you with a temporary place to stay. Also, call your parents while you're there. Fill them in. Enlist family help.

Really, rather than posting here with every development, step up and stand up for yourself and take the steps you need to do prevent anything else.

Go to the police. NOW. Deal with everything else later.

[ 11-06-2006, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Huni
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I am going to go to them ohhh and for the record I am at home (yes his house) now. I won't go to work until wednesday (I think). I am waiting for him to come home now and I just called a "friend" of mine to come and get me later on tonight. He won't be home!!!

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ENOUGH

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Why are you waiting for him to come home?

Go now.

No waiting. Take a bus, or a cab, whatever. Now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Huni
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Last night the police escorted me back to his house to get my stuff. I am staying at my cousin's house right now. He calls her house to talk to me but she won't pick up the phone. Sometimes he blocks his number but she doesn't answer blocked calls anyway. Thank you so much for your help!!!

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ENOUGH

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ghostie
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I'm sure I speak for everyone here by saying a huge well done to you!! And super happy that things are on the way up [Big Grin]
Concentrating on staying safe and sound until you can find your own place and get back on your feet is all you need to do now [Smile] good luck

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Huni
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Member # 31306

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I am not going back to him and I hate to say this but I kind of feel lost with out him here. That is crazy I know!!! I think they arrested him last night but I am not sure. Right now I have his twins with me. I had to tell them that there daddy is going out of town. I know that I won't be able to keep them.. I want to and I know that they want to stay with me!!!! I am going back to work tomorrow and I hope that everything goes the way it needs to. Thank yall so much for taking time out to listen to me. I really needed this. I will keep in touch to let yall know how everything is going. [Smile]

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ENOUGH

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LucysDiamonds
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So glad to hear everything's finally turning around for you. I never posted on your thread but I've been reading it all along and I'm so happy and so proud of you for getting yourself out of that situation. Take care, Huni [Smile]

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So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly

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-Lauren-
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Well done, Huni. That took a lot of strength and courage!

Rest assured he'll be put away for a long time for the many crimes he inflicted. He deserves no less.

What are you planning to do now? You need some time after abuse and rape to heal and work towards moving on. Now would be the time to rethink your goals and everything you want for yourself. Do you want to pursue a career/go to school? Expand your social network? Find new hobbies and activities that you're good at?

All of these are excellent options when planning your long and short term goals, and can help you regain a sense of empowerment and control over yourself. Not to mention, they're a lot of fun!

Did the police/social workers in your case direct you to resources for professional counseling? That's usually offered free of charge as a standard when you report a rapist. If they didn't, I'd suggest you call them to inquire. Counseling/therapy would likely be SO helpful in helping you cope and learn to get your life back on track.

Best of luck, Huni. We're all around if you want to update or get input anytime.

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Est. In 1984
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I never realized how many girls/women are in abusive relationships. I always thought no one could relate to what I was going through. We all claim we cant leave because we love them. The problem is that in reality they dont love us. We know it's wrong to stay...but tell that to your heart that just really wants him to change. We didnt fall in love with the abusive side. we fell in love w/ the sweet heart...The guy that made us feel like we had met the love of our life. Why is it soooo HARD to let go?! WHY?! Why can't all the love to turn to hate...if it did we would never look back. It would'nt even faze us. Why are some girl able to walk away and not feel a thing?

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"I've touched Ur soul & left my mark in ur heart....There's no forgetting me, dont bother trying."...(ME)

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Heather
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The longer you are in an abusive relationship, the harder it becomes, because the more and more you basically become...well, brainwashed, for lack of a better term, by the way the abuser controls and manipulates you. (Which is also tough to look at in another respect, in that with an abuser, the "sweet side" often still IS another face of abuse: it's a means of manipulation and control.)

VERY few people coming out of abusive relationships just up and walk away easily feeling nothing. That would be a serious exception. MOST survivors of relationship abuse go through a lot to leave, and a lot more to truly recover.

You can ask the counselor all of this stuff tomorrow: I'd suggest just going in with as open a mind as you can and the most earnest motivation to get PAST this and past this guy as you can muster. Sounds like you've got it in you, girl.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Melinda87
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Has anybody heard from Huni lately? It's been a few weeks since she posted. I hope she's ok! I just found this message board and I was literally crying as I was reading her posts...first from sadness about what was happening to her and then from happiness that she finally found the courage to get away.

If this is off topic or anything, I apologize, I was just curious if anybody knew anything about how she's doing.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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This is generally the only way we hear from users.

And yeah: with users in danger and profound crisis, it's really troubling when we don't hear from them for a while before they've resolved their crises, which is unfortunate and always a little scary.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kay Dee
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I hope she returns to read my message. I was born into this kind of relationship.

Here is the post: http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=000089#000034

I hope everything is okay. Maybe she has no internet for a while since she probably had to go to a different location and be under protection.

Posts: 2 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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