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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Boyfriend/Fiance

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Author Topic: Boyfriend/Fiance
Member # 6514

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OK, long story short.. been dating Max for almost 11 months.. had some abusive moments... I trust him.. but he doesn't trust me. He gets upset when I tell him that I am hanging out with guy and girl friends, threatens to hang up on me.. but yet when he goes out with his guy friends and wants to drink he says I can't get mad. To be honest, I am not a big fan of drinking, I've had a few sips, but he likes getting plastered.. not my thing.

He says I can't get mad cuz he's not doing anything wrong and that I need to trust him. He is very insecure and gets jealous easily. The abusive part has completely stopped.. but its like emotional abuse now. Everything that I do he gets mad at but I can't get mad when he does it basically. He just recently asked me to marry him.. and I said yes.

I said yes because I love him and I desperately want to make it work with him.. but the thing is.. he's russian and I've heard from a lot of people that russians and their customs are just plain being controlling etc etc. I have also heard that russian men that are married even have another woman on the side.

Anyways.. getting off the subject. I really need help, I don't know who to believe. I don't even believe myself and if what I think is even right. Im really stuck in a hole right now and I need help getting out. He says he loves me and everything.. but should I believe him..?

As you can obviously tell Im very confused... should I just end it right now..? I mean.. am I really trying too hard to keep this thing going when it really shouldnt be going any further..??

Please help guys, thanks! Ask lots of questions if you dont understand

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16551

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i think you know the answer deep down. If you haven't seriously talked to him already you need to and tell him the disrespecting you is not an option. If he is abusive, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him (abusive in any way, shape, or form). We know that you love him- but do you want to be in this type of relationship your whole life?? Sure, you can end it when you get married but it's a little easier to do it now without the paperwork involved. You gotta take a stand and stand up for yourself-everything else will fall into place after that (hopefully). People who are abusive usually don't change- cuz it's hard. And him being a Russian doesn't give him the right to treat you like that.

Good luck, and I hope you make the right choice.

Posts: 131 | From: IL., US | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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I have a lot of Russian friends. None of them are buttholes. Stereotyping people is just not cool. And just because something is seen to be common in a culture doesn't make it right.

Emotional abuse is abuse. So what if he's not going to break another one of your toes. If he makes you feel like crap all the time, then your relationship is still unhealthy.

Marriage doesn't guarantee that he'll change his ways for the better. If anything, evidence has shown that abuse escalates.

So really, you shouldn't be with this guy. It's unhealthy for you, and we've already told you that like a bazillion times. end it, gal. end it, end it, end it. Love should not hurt you like this.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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