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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Cheater, Beater, Jerk and Spy

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Author Topic: Cheater, Beater, Jerk and Spy
freakedout
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My sister has been with *Joe for over five years (married for 2). They also have two kids together. The problem is that pretty much everyone but my sister has noticed what a jerk *Joe is. Since they've been together, he has cheated on her (it isn't just rumors, people have literally seen it happen), he rarely takes care of his daughters, and there have been many occasions where he has taken money that was supposed to be used for misc. bills and such and used it to buy drugs and god knows what.

My sister is just starting to realize what kind of person he is (after all these years) but still refuses to let anyone interfere. I can understand her decision, but because just recently he has left bruises on her, I must disagree. My family is very protective, and none of us want to see her get hurt. When people ask her about the "hand shaped" bruises on her arm, she simply laughs it off and replies: "ah, don't worry about it, it's nothing." It's hardly nothing!

Now, I am aware that it is easier for me to sit here on the outside and see what is going on, but I know for a fact that she knows whats going on, but doesn't really want to admit it out loud. She is trying to spare her daughters' lives...thinking that if they stay together, then everything will be okay for them. I know this to be untrue. We both came from a broken home, and both turned out just fine.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that I am afraid for her safety. If he left a bruise this time, whats going to happen the next time? I love my sister with all my heart, and truly want to make her husband pay. Normally I would just go ahead and do this, but her wishes have stopped me. Does anyone have any ideas? This man is not good for her, and she needs to see it like I do.

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*The only need for a baseball bat besides hitting homeruns is for shattering the knee caps of every cheater in the world.


Posts: 123 | From: Wisconsin, United States | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
freakedout
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Oh, and I forgot to mention that he also has his friends spy on her to make sure she isn't cheating on him (which she would never do) while it is perfectly okay for him to go out with girls and "bring them home to mamma." He sets a double standard by saying that she is not allowed to have any male friends, no matter the situation. And all of this nonsense is going on while he stays out until 3 in the morning with the same girl every night. (so much for taking care of your kids!)

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*The only need for a baseball bat besides hitting homeruns is for shattering the knee caps of every cheater in the world.


Posts: 123 | From: Wisconsin, United States | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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As you already know, your sister is in an abusive relationship and she's either in denial, or just can't admit she has not idea how to get out.

What I'd suggest is calling a local abuse organization or women's shelter and work to set up some intervention. Just explain the situation to them. Usually, those organizations are fantastic not only long-term, but in helping you help someone you care for get their foot in the door.

You could also be more direct and simply tell her you KNOW it isn't nothing and that at this point, you feel her judgment is impaired because she is an abused person. Let her know you love her and that it's beyond you wanting to help: she needs help, period.

And you're right: an abusive home is never, ever better than having divorced or separated parents, even if it's a parent, not the children, who are being abused. That is terribly traumatic for children, FAR more so than divorce is.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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