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Author Topic: Controling BF - Help!
Member # 19028

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Hi guys - I need some help. My friend is dating this guy who is a real asshole. He won't let her hang out with me or any of her other friends. We try to hang out, but when we do, we have to create this huge lie so he won't find out. Once he did find out, and he slapped her (she wouldn't tell me if he did anything more). I'm really worried about her - I don't think she's safe. Why is he doing this? Have you guys ever experienced anything like this? What did you do?
Posts: 1 | From: MD | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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She's not safe. That isn't merely "controlling." What you're describing here is abuse.

Isolating a person as well as physically abusing them are very distinct markers of abuse. Your friend needs out, sooner, not later. Why he's doing this is irrelevant: it's her that's important here.

What are her parents like? Might they be helpful if you talked to them? Or yours? How about teachers at school or a guidance counselor? Any trusted adult who will help her take action, starting by getting away from this guy, will work.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19031

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Ya, I agree here. This is not chill at all. You should really talk to your freind about this because right now, she's gonna need your help. It takes strength for people to get out of relationships like this, but also support. I don't know your freind but SHE DOES deserve a guy that will treat her well--everybody does.

Miz Scarlet put it pretty straight, so I won't reiterate anything she's already said, but I will mention again that she needs to leave this relationship and you need to tell somebody.

I dunno if this would be good advice, but, depending on who this guy is, you should also spread the word about him. People should know who this guy is, although if he is a real head-case, then this could be dangerous. Maybe somebody else can endorse or condemn this idea, but this shouldn't be a secret.

I hope this is okay advice. This is my first post and I hope I helped a little.

Posts: 49 | From: Chillinois, USA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18771

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I would definetly talk about this situation to a trusted adult even if your friend asks you not to. Not doing something now could have a negative impact on her safety around this guy if he's already slapping her for being around you and her other friends.
Posts: 123 | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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