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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Crazy Ex Friend

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Author Topic: Crazy Ex Friend
Member # 6514

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This story involves my bf. There is no restraining order on him anymore b/c there wasn't enough evidence but our families did sit down and talk about things, and now everything is all good. This is about my "friend" now.

Here's the story:

I used to be friends with my boyfriends friend up until yesterday. Me and my bf were over at his house last night when me and my friend got into an argument. He flipped out and wouldn't let me leave his house, he kept pushing me away from the door, so I left from the garage. I tried getting in my bf's car when my "friend" walked up to me and lifted his fist like he was gonna hit. He tried hitting me, and he missed. I started yelling at him and I was about to hit him myself, but I didn't. When I didn't get into my bf's car, my friend did, and wouldn't leave until I agreed to talk about it.

I didn't wanna talk about it. I just wanted to go home. Finally after my bf nagging him to get out of the car, he did and he put his keys in his hand (he had them on a long necklace type thing) and scratched up my bf's windshield. I was furious, so I got out of the car, picked up some rocks, and threw them at my "friends" car. There were no dents or anything.

Today when I woke up, my "friend" called me 4 times on my house phone and my cell phone. Left hurtful messages, IMed me on the computer... basically he wouldn't leave me alone. I saved all the voicemails and IM's and stuff, and he told me that I had to "watch myself."

This guy lies all the time, makes crap up, he tried to break me and my bf up, he threatens people, he stalks his ex girlfriend, he's obsessed with her, he uses people, he steals money from people... all around he's not a good guy. Whenever he gets into a fight with his friends he turns the story around and blames it on the other person like he had nothing to do with it.

I need to also mention that this "friend" of mine has a restraining order on him for stalking his ex girlfriend, a ticket for harassing communications, and a ticket for trespassing on his ex gf's property.. that's why he's not very stable. Just thought I'd point out some key facts about this person.

Anyways, when he calls me up, he leaves messages saying that he won't leave me alone until we resolve this and if we don't, he'll involve the police. My mom says he can't involve the police b/c there's nothing wrong going on.

Basically.. to end this.. I am scared for my life. My mom says there isn't enough evidence to get a restraining order on him just yet. But he is a dangerous person I think. He has a bebe gun in his car that he has pointed at my head before and I'm wondering if maybe I should let the police know before he hurts someone? I don't know. Basically I fear my life right now. I'm home alone during the day everyday and I don't exactly feel the safest when I'm in this position... is there any advice that anyone here can give me? Can anyone help me out? I am scard and I don't know what to do... thanks for your replies!

I really appreciate it! Sorry for the topic being soo long =)


Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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Originally posted by BiLLaBaBy017:
There is no restraining order on him anymore b/c there wasn't enough evidence but our families did sit down and talk about things, and now everything is all good.

Neeegggaaattiiiivvvvee...something's not right here.

This is the boyfriend that broke your toe and stuff, right? Am I confusing this with some other guy? Are you confusing this with some other guy? Because if we're talking about the same thing, the R.O. hearing would have been open-and-shut. None of this "not enough evidence" rubbish.

I'll be blunt here...I have no clue what is going on in your life, but it has ceased to make sense to me. In two weeks, we've had as many guys putting you in fear for your life, and we've had a legal (and medical) system fail you in ways that would make the news media blush. I suppose it is theoretically possible that you are the unluckiest person in the world, but this really is an above-average rate of horrific events happening to one person.

So I've got two pieces of advice for you. The first is this: MOVE. Obviously Eagan is a much rougher town than it was when I was there eleven years ago, and obviously you're in with the wrong crowd out there on Diffley Road. If you're fearing for your life and the legal system has failed you that often, I'd say it is high time to pull up stakes and pitch your tent elsewhere.

My second piece of advice? Sort this all out. We've had tens of thousands of posts here for as long as I've been around, and I'll be darned if I can remember ever seeing anything like this before. Elements of it simply don't stand to reason, so I remain convinced that there is either much more or much less to this story than we're being told.

BruinDan, "Code Four, Baby," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!

Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6514

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Nope, everything is being told here. There is nothing I am leaving out at all. About the RO, we filed an order of protection against him, and he appealed it. It was granted, and our parents sat down and talked about it anyways. Now everything is all worked out. There was jno evidence that he was abusing me anyways b/c the bruises had faded by that time so they couldn't grant the order of protection. And I don't live on Diffley, I live on Cliff... and Cliff is big.
Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17190

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I'm not too sure of the legal system at all, but from what I've heard, I didn't think I restraining order was that hard to get to begin with...

Dan's probably right that moving would be a good idea. And on top of that, get an unlisted number and change your cell number. That's about all you could do without involving the law aside from getting an alarm system.

If you're uncomfortable being alone in your house, try not to be there alone. Hang out with friends when you can whether at your place or somewhere else and if you are at home, keep everything locked... It's all pretty basic advice, but it's the best I can come up with.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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You had HOSPITAL records from apparently having a glass thrown at your face by your boyfriend, Billababy. You have at least one parental witness to a myraid of abuses and harassment you've posted here. THOSE are the sort of things police ask for, rather than looking for bruises. If they did not, YOU can appeal that, though I'm curious how, so fast, fater than is usually possible, you got to a court date, and how it seems that happened without the REQUIRED temporary order of protection that occurs when someone files for an OFP here.

In fact, since I'm local, if you want to drop a private email with more information I'd be more than glad to make a follow-up call to the police officers in charge of your case (since reports are often public record, I could check in on it regardless), or again, put you in touch with the advocates at Chrysalis I suggested. Did you not call them? If not, why not?

More info on OFPs in MN and how the procedure works:

You also said your phone numbers were changed and unlisted. How are these people getting them?

If your boyfriend's friend already has an order of restraint on him, all you need to do is call the cops and report what he's been doing, and I can guarantee you, that will be handled pronto since he has a documented history and an existing OFP against him.

And am I insane, or are you saying you are still SEEING your boyfriend in this post? Because yes, if you are willingly still hanging with this guy, judges are not likely to believe you earnestly fear for your safety (though your mother could apply for one on your behalf, especially if you're engaging in behaviours like still hanging out with someone who has cut up your face, which would be pretty hefty evidence you are seriously unable to make sane, smart choices on your own behalf.)

And if you are... what the heck for?

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 06-16-2004).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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