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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » My Ex-Boyfriend/Bestfriend Abused Me should I tell his mom?

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Author Topic: My Ex-Boyfriend/Bestfriend Abused Me should I tell his mom?
Stephanie03
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My ex-boyfriend, still my bestfriend abused me when we were together.. grabbed my wrists and left bruises, yelled at me, demanded all of my time, calls me a fuck up and etc.. I really need to know if I should speak to his mom about it b/c his dad abused him and his mother, I am still a very big part of their family. But should I talk to her about it? And how should I?
Posts: 41 | From: Michigan,USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Acraine
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Okay, lets lay comething down here. Friends are people that care for eachother. By the looks of it, your ex doesn't seem like that good of a friend. This was assault, possibly even battery, which is a felony. Please consider whether this person is really a friend or not.

Most people don't like it and become even more infuriated when their parents become involved, so speaking to his mother may or may not be a good idea. The best thing to do may be to seperate completely for a while, and the next time you see him, please exercise caution: keep your distance, and to leave if he becomes angry or violent.

If you truly are his friend, be there for him, but under NO circumstances allow him to hurt you or yell at you. Trying to help does not make you a 'F*** up', and a friend does not demand all of your time. A friend knows that you have a life of your own.


(Edited for a spelling error)

[This message has been edited by Acraine (edited 06-26-2003).]


Posts: 142 | From: SD CA USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie03
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when we were together is when he abused me, he doesn't now at all that we're still bestfriends..

Abuse as in:
- Anger management problems. In other words, a partner loses one's temper very quickly and lashes out verbally, emotionally or physically (and that may even start with thinngs like the purposeful slamming of doors, stomping of feet, punching or kicking walls, etc.). This is worth watching especially when that happens over very seemingly small or insignificant things, or when you ask for reasonable courtesies. Included in emotional abuse signs are things like someone calling a partner names (like stupid or ugly, etc.).
- Patterns of doing some of the above, followed by lots of apologies or beahviour to try and make up for the ugly stuff. promises the abuse will stop also loom large in the warning signs.
- Having a different public appearance than a private one.
- People who are abusive also tend to slowly limit a partners contact with friends or family, socially isolating them. They may also be jealous of same.
and what i told you before..


Posts: 41 | From: Michigan,USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by Acraine:
This was assault, possibly even battery, which is a felony.

(Battery is a misdemeanor)


quote:
Originally posted by Stephanie03:
when we were together is when he abused me, he doesn't now at all that we're still bestfriends...

And why on earth would you still be best friends with someone who abused you? I would agree that this guy has certainly exhibited some pretty nasty behavior, so why would you still want to be around?

To me, whether you should bother telling his mother is really a moot point. If I were you, I'd keep some serious distance away from this guy and his family. If you've got someone who has left bruises on your body, you need to take some responsibility here and get away. Doing this "let's still be best friends" stuff really does you no favors at all.

It's frighteningly common, as I'm sure you are aware, for victims of domestic violence to return to their abusers. Both men and women do this, and while things may be fine for a while, in far too many cases things go south quickly. I'm completely lost as to why you would want to put yourself at risk for something like this.

I don't mean to come down too hard on you, but we all have a certain element of personal responsibility that we need to maintain. And if you are opening yourself up to being attacked again by someone whom you probably should have reported to authorities before, I would seriously reconsider that decision.

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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Heather
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(P.S.: Stephanie, can you keep responses to your previous thread in that thread when they're directly related? It'd be appreciated.

You'll find that thread here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/003775.html)

[Fixed the link.]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 10-19-2004).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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