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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Can you control your emotions?

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Author Topic: Can you control your emotions?
Kasper
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Member # 5439

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Ive had the talk with my boyfriend.

He told me my emotions are growing quicker than his are. Also that hes scared. Im afraid if I dont pull back Ill loose him. Im scared. Recently hes been treating me mean, yelling, and talking down to me, and it makes me feel so sad, but when I try to break up I cant. I feel like Im being mentally abused sort of. If he does not like what I say, he yells, tells me to stop, or whatever, and it hurts.

He does not want to leave me, he told me straight out. But it hurts, to know that weve been fighthing for a while. Is this another bump in the road. Will we get over it? How can I pull back my emotions, and not make him feel so scared?

Thanks alot!


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Why are *you* responsible for the way *he* behaves, and why do you want to stay with someone who treats you like this? If someone's mistreating you, you have no obligation to remain in a relationship with them, nor to feel you're the one who has to fix their problem. I'd suggest you talk to the boy, tell him you're concerned about the way he's acting, and not sure you want to remain with him, and ask how he feels about the whole situation.

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Milke, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

It was a good lay. . .


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Superbongo
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It sounds like there are some power/control issues. I suspect you have heard before that the person least interested in continuing a relationship has the power. It sounds like you may be holding on tighter because you are afraid of losing him. He may feel that he has license to treat you badly because you want the relationship more than he does and will take the "abuse"

Perhaps its time to ask yourself what makes this relationship worth saving? I hear, and have said myself, "but I know he's really a nice person, I don't want to give up on that"

But, if he's yelling at you, talking down to you, making you feel generally bad about yourself and how you feel -- how nice is he?

Relationships are hard sometimes -- even when there are wonderful people involved. And, dispite what we see on TV -- we really can't control other people's reactions or feelings. We do have tremendous control over how we feel, react.

His yelling at you and telling you how you feel sounds like disrespect for you, for your relationship. So, ask yourself -- is his disrespect a deal breaker?


Posts: 3 | From: The Swamps | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
holly8705
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It's okay... every couple has their spats and quarrels. You need to have patience with him. You should be happy he hasn't jumped in and said "I love you" right off the bat. That shows he really does care. Most guys will say anything to make a girl happy. Be glad he's taking his time. I know you can't deny how you feel about him, but wait on him if you think he's worth it!

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~Holly~

Never frown even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile!!!


Posts: 126 | From: Small town, Tennessee | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
holly8705
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Okay sorry i didn't read the part about you feeling mentally abused. If you feel that way you need to get away from him. My sister was in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't let her break up and she is dead now from a car accident with that guy. He talked her into sneaking out... stop this from happening to you.

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~Holly~

Never frown even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile!!!


Posts: 126 | From: Small town, Tennessee | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dusk
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I noticed you posted that your boyfriend admitted to being scared. Scared people do odd things. Did he mention what was scaring him?

If he's afraid of getting too close to you or commiting more, he might be consciously or unconsciously pushing you away by his behaviour.

I think, maybe, if you two could sit down and talk it out calmly, you might be able to straighten it up a bit. Let him know how his behaviour is hurting you (but try not to be confrontational about it). If you know you are more serious about the relationship then he is, then try to remember he may need more space or time. You know, try not to push him into something he isn't ready to deal with yet.

If he can't sit and talk with you calmly, then it may be time to step back. Even if he's scared, that doesn't mean he has the right to hurt you.

[This message has been edited by Dusk (edited 01-17-2003).]


Posts: 17 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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