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Author Topic: Split after 24 years:Beware long post
angelicmadrigal
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I just found out last night for sure what I've been expecting for months. My mom is leaving my dad after 24 years of marriage. Which is 24 years too late if you ask me.

My mom gave up going to college for a man that treats her like crap. He verbaly abuses her, cheats on her, and lost 15,000 dollars in the course of this year to God only knows where (which was Supposed to be for the house payments and my tuition for school).

I also found out he may have raped/molested my best freind. My mom suspects he MAY have, because he's under suspicion for doing that too someone else, but she won't tell me who.

His family is FULL of mental illness (which is where most of mine came from). I found out my dad's father raped all 3 of his sisters and even got one pregnant. That's why she's afraid my dad might have done the same thing too.

My dad drinks a lot too. He's violent...he's never hit my mom to my knowlesge and he's only hit me once. When I was nine he punched me in the head. I still have a slightly springy spot there in my skull, and he only ever spanked me 3 or 4 times.

My mom won't let me talk to him about any of this because she doesn't want him to know she is going to divorce him, until she can actually get him removed from the house. She said we may even have to move because dad knows where this house is and she's afraid he'll try to hurt us.

She's going to be gone for 2 weeks soon leaving me all alone with dad. I don't care really, he's not home much. She thinks he might get mad and violent towards me while she's gone, but I told her I can be just as violent as him, if not more and he doesn't want to test me. I'm afraid if it comes to physical confrontation I might actually really hurt him....seriously.

My mom wants me to go say with my boyfreind for 2 weeks. The problem is I can't go to work in that 2 weeks because his house is 2 1/2 hours away. So I might lose my job.

I'm not sure how to react to my dad. I'm hurt and angry that he's done all these terrible things. I've always hated his family and thought he was better than te rest of them, but he's just like all of them. They're horrible people and I hate them. They've done so many bad things ( ex. 3 of my cousins killed my dad's fraternal twin brother by stabbing him when I was 9).

I guess I'm not an important enough of a reason to stay home and act like a good husband. I mean my mom almost died having me and he doesn't have enough respect for either of us to stay faithful and not be a jerk. I always though my dad was the BEST father, but it turns out he isn't. He always used to fix stuff for me, and play with me, let me use his tools to make stuff, and all sorts of other fun stuff. But that doens't make up for the fact that he may be a pedaphile, rapist, drunk, and other things I'm not going to go on and list.

After my parents get divorced I'm changing my last name to "Modica", my mom's madien name, because I don't want to be associated with his family at all. As far as I'm concerned I'm not related to any of them. Don't get me wrong I'm GLAD my parents are getting divorced it's time. They've been arguiing non stop for 2 months and I can't take it anymore. I just needed to vent. Thanks all.

------------------
"Spirits of confusion, spirits of chaos disrupt the anger that controls him if only for a short while."- Deedlit "RoLW: Chronicles of the Heroic Knight"


AIM: angelicmadrigal

[This message has been edited by angelicmadrigal (edited 07-30-2002).]


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zanney
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Wow! You sound like a pretty brave individual. Good on you for hanging in there for so long, and for being a great support for your mom.

I wish you all the best for what is obviously such a difficult time.

I don't know much about your situation, but is it possible for your boyfriend to come and stay with you for the 2 weeks your mom is gone??

And as much as you hate your dad, remember that as his family falls apart around him he may react and get worse, so be prepared for this.

Hang in there, okay?

Roseanne


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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quote:
Originally posted by Zanney:

I wish you all the best for what is obviously such a difficult time.
I don't know much about your situation, but is it possible for your boyfriend to come and stay with you for the 2 weeks your mom is gone??
And as much as you hate your dad, remember that as his family falls apart around him he may react and get worse, so be prepared for this.
Hang in there, okay?
Roseanne

Thanks for the really nice post. I appreciate it believe me. As far as my b/f coming and staying here that isn't possible either. He'd probably lose his job too ( and he makes a LOT more than I do). I could always move to the house I'm renting during the school year, BUT I'd have to move all my stuff there now and my dad knows where that is and can get there easily, so it's not really any different then staying here at home.

It's not so much that I hate my dad. I mean he hasn't really been bad to _ME_ 90% of the time. My mom gets most of the crappy treatment. He won't even let her take money out of his drawer BUT I can ( he told me I could as long as I leave a note telling him how much I took out)and he never gets mad when I do. My mom is always the subject of his paranoid rants, never me. I hate the way he treats my mom, but overall the way he's reated me isn't too bad.

It's very hard to blame him for all of his problems because of the type of family he came from. I mean out of all his brothers and sisters (all 12 of them) my dad is the only one with a steady job that he goes to work everyday. He's one of the only two that takes care of his mom ( who is very sick from poorly cared for diabetes ). It's just hard to believe he's done all this bad stuff to my mom, and maybe other people too.

I suppose I'm just angry, but I"m definately prepared for the worst. My mom says I've NEVER seen my dad really mad and I don't know what he's capable of. Of course I'm afraid of what I"M capable of in retaliation. I don't want to hurt the man, afterall he is my father, and overall he's been good to ME.


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
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I agree with Zanney, you are very brave. Just think that hopefully this all will be over soon.

And about your job, is there anyway you could talk to your boss and explaining whats happening and she/he would give you like a two weeks vacation or something?

Good luck and hugs.

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shining eyes
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Agreed with all the rest, you are VERY brave, that's awesome!

And as for your job, you should tell your boss the whole thing. I mean, he should understand, and if he doesn't, do you have any other friends you could stay with?

Well much luck!


------------------
~brittany

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. The whole world can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

[This message has been edited by shining eyes (edited 04-21-2003).]


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angelicmadrigal
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Well it's day two. Two of what you may ask, well my mom finally told my dad she's filing for divorce.

I told both of them that I am NOT taking sides. Unfortunately my dad does NOT want a divorce and is being very uncooperative. I've been trying to keep the peace between them reminding them that _I_ live here too and I don't need to listen to them argue and be nasty to each other night and day.


As far as my job goes I'm telling my boss tomorrow I'm not coming in for 2 weeks, until this gets straightened around. I'm going to see if my b/f will take me home with when he leaves this weekend.

------------------
" Spirits of the earth lend me your strength,
Spirits of confusion, spirits of chaos dsrupt the anger
that controls him if only for a short while."- Deedlit "RoLW: Chronicles of the Heroic Knight"


[Edited. Please do not post your email address or any other contact information in your messages. It's for your own safety, and it's also part of the guidelines which you agreed to follow when you signed up to use these boards.]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 08-01-2002).]


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daydreamer24
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You are very couragious.

My parents divorce should be final in a few weeks after 22 years of marriage. Their's involved drugs, manic depression, and other things but it wasn't like your folks'. I wish you the best of luck and remember that God will take care of you.


Posts: 1619 | From: TEXAS | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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Update number 3

Well here it goes it's been almost a month now. My mom's moved to Wyoming, and it's just me and dad. My mom never came back from her trip to visit my aunt(my dad threw a glass at her before she left and now she's afraid to come back).

Mom say's it'll take months for the divorce to be final. I hate watching my dad suffer, even though it's mostly his fault. My dad thinks he still loves my mom, but I don't think he ever really did. my mom told my dad she hasn't loved him for a long time, and I think that was really mean of her, not that it wasn't obvious to me.

Anyway, my dad's alking like the way it's going to work is everythign in the house is getting sold, and he and mom will split the money. Some of my stuff seems to be inculded in that....Like my $1,500 bed they boght me for my 15th birthday. If that happens I'm thinking of filing a civil suit. Because even though that bed is worth a lot, as is some of my other furniture I was told a LONG time ago belonged to me....( including an antique dresser and a dry sink-bookslelf). unfortunately none of this stuff will fit in my room at the house I'm renting so I'll have to pay for storage, and my house is "no pets allowed" so what will I do with my two cats?

I've been very supportive of BOTH my parents thus far, and now I'm starting to get angry. Not only do they want to break up my family, but now they're going to sell my HOME, and my STUFF...and make me get rid of my baby cats hat I love so much. I understand that they can't live together but it isn't fair to make my life miserable too.

My mom's the only one that wants a divorce. My dad doesn't. Maybe he does love my mom, but he has a funny way of showing it. He's alo worried about the practical aspect of all this; the costs, finding a new place to live, selling prized possesions (his clocks which I don't htink he should have to sell, those are HIS....he got them all as gifts).

Who knows what'll happen, but i"ll keep you all posted.


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Etch
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I remember when my parents got divorced my dad got the good car and a kick out the door... My mom got the (piece of crap) house. She didnt sell our stuff, but her new boyfriend would give me things (like a really cool drum set) and then pawn them when he needed (drug) money. But my mom was also left with all the bills... and since she was always a stay at home mom she couldnt get very good jobs so more bills piled up. Life was hard.

For a couple years after my parents split life sucked. It actually would have been better if we got rid of the house and moved into an apartment (my brother wouldnt have that). I spent my freshman year of highschool sleeping on a bench pulled out of an RV because my matress springs were poking out on both sides and cutting me. And my mom tells me that she often went hungry to feed my brother and I.

I guess what i am trying to say is that no, it isnt fair your parents divorce is hurting you so bad, but it comes with the territory. But your bed and dresser are only "stuff", and stuff can be replaced. Life isnt always fair as much as we want it to be. And while your parents divorce will hurt you right now, it will be much more emotionally better for all three of you in the future... which is way more important than a bed.

Find a friend or relative to take your cats. And talk to your dad about selling those things that are yours as a last resort only. Try and be supportive of your parents because this is a hard time for them. I am sure you have the support of friends and your boyfriend, and your mom has her family. Your dad seems like he is all alone right now. He may have done horrible stuff, but some of it is uncomfirmed and it hasnt been directed at you for the most part. Thank God.


Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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