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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Solution: Run away..or stay in HeLL?! (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Solution: Run away..or stay in HeLL?!
d1TzY8
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*fake name..i cant give out his real name cause if he finds this page for some odd reason, i'll be toast.

My relationship with my stepdad isnt so great. Sometimes you hear horror stories of step parents beating or abusing their stepchild.

Im in one of those relationships. My stepdad, *Bob is awful. One second, he'll be beating me till my face is bright red with marks, the next he'll be telling me that he loves me like Im his blood daughter. He doesnt want me to call him "step dad" I HAVE to call him dad.

In public, our family has actually been commented about, that we look so loving and that every family should be like us.
I made a mistake of saying, "OMG...NO YOU DONT!!" Never again have I done that. That was when I was 8. I am 16 and still have the scar on my neck from when he choked me. His ring cut the side of my neck.

One time...I couldnt take it anymore, I think when I was 12. I thought if I were REALLY sick, then him and my mom would take me to the hospital. Im allergic to aspirin. SO..i took maybe 15-20 aspirins.

That nite, my parents found me lying on the floor. Breathing, but barely. My dad knew EXACTLY why I did it, and so he wouldn't let my mom take me to the hospital.

For almost a month maybe, I suffered. I couldnt eat anything..I lost about 35 pounds, and being only 70 maybe at the time..i was a STICK, literally. I really thought I was going to die.

When i finally got better and strong enough again to fin for myself, my step dad beat me up.

This has been gpoing on for 10 YEARS, and I cant take it anymore. Fortunatley, this hasnt happened for about 3 weeks.

The reason Im skinny is cause he wants me to be "the perfect looking girl." Big boobs, little hips, waist, nice *** . He doesnt let me eat too much and he is today trying to convince my mother to let me take pills that will enhance breasts. Pig?! I think so.

I have seriously thought of running away. Where could I go?! I cant go to the police..they dont believe me cause my step father is good friends with all of them. My step father says if I tell anyone, he will kill me. I know he would too.

I cry and pray every nite that one day I will find me REAL parents and get to live with them. I know its not gonna happen cause both of my parents ignore me when i talk about it.

I need to know wut to do.
Im in hell.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Sympathys_Sin
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Go. Leave now. You're 16, right??? There's a million places where you can go. try to think of a plan before you leave, like friends you could stay with, or maybe relatives?? I know I know, easier said than done, but think of something!

The good, moral, teen magazine answer would be to tell you to call the police or something, but if you really have concerns about that, you need to find a way to leave. Get a job, take all your savings, get out there, sleep on porches.

If you think you can take it, depending on how long you have to wait... when your 17, you're legally able to get an apartment (at least where i am) and then spend all the money you got on a first month's rent and then work your butt off for a while until you come up with a better plan. you need to break free!

And I'm sooo sorry you have to go thru this, good luck to you


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d1TzY8
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I dont want to end up as a bum on the streets though. My parents know most all of my friends, so my it wouldnt be an option to stay w/ them.

I just got a job to try to keep away from home as much as possible. I have a friend in Omaha, Nebraska..bit I dont know how to get there..

I just wish I were a normal teenager

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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d1TzY8
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I CANT...my dad usually listens in on my conversations.

I cant do anything in my house. He screens my calls, listens to them. Thats why I never have a b/f...he talks trash on me all the time and everything.

I HATE IT HERE.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Beppie
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Do you have public phones at your school? Could you use one of those in your lunch break? I'm not sure how it is in America, but here in Australia 1800 numbers only cost the same as a local call for however long you speak.

Do you have a teacher you could trust? I know how it can be in small communities, but most schools have at least one teacher who came from the city and are a bit more aware of things that go on. Such a teacher might be able to arrange for you to get some counselling, and some help.

It's absolutely horrible of the police to ignore you like that. If they use their position to protect their friends, then they are just abusing it.


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d1TzY8
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The only teacher I love is my old chemistry teacher.

I would feel weird talking to him about it though. I might be able to write him a letter..LoL I dont know.

If my old english teacher is here i mite be able to tell her.

Im so confused. I have told a couple of my internet buddies and they have helped me. But if I tell my teacher, I havethis weird feeling like Im just trying to get a good grade or for them to feel sorry for me...

This life is really ****ing with my brain or something...

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!

[This message has been edited by d1TzY8 (edited August 05, 2000).]


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deegurl143
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look you guys she can't run away. you are running from a problem that needs to be solved. i have one question where is your mom in all of this??? if she knows about all this and doesn't do anything about it...then what about your real father? i don't know your exact situation so i can't exactly give direct advice. that hotline that starpoet is a 1-800 number. go to a friends use the phone there. most places like that will contact the police for you and make sure that they do something about the situation. i know you don't want the police to be involved, but what about you?? you do wanna live to experience as much as possible right? one day your stepdad is going to lose it and you might not see another day. you know what i mean? i can't tell you exactly what to do because i'm not you. but you know what's right and what you have to do. he says he'll kill you if you tell? tell someone that will protect from him. CALL THE HOTLINE AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING. they will tell you EXACTLY what to do. that's what they are there for.
GOOD LUCK

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~*GoDdEsS oF lOvE aNd BeAuTy*~


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d1TzY8
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Im scared..my step dad has threatened to kill my brother and I many times, and if something goes wrong, Im afraid he would.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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d1TzY8
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Miz Scarlet?! I love you more than I do my mother.

What do I do?

Anyone else?! I want to run away and have thought about this lots, but I cant just leave my stuff behind..it would take a semi just to move it all.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Ophelia
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OMG...i don't know what to say, i'm afraid to give the wrong advice, but what i really want to say is this:

please find a way to leave...or make it stop. this might include talking to your mom? is that possible? but please, PLEASE DON'T STAY THERE!

or talk to that hotline: at school, at a friends house, somewhere. d1tzy8? i don't know you, but i really, really care. please find somewhere to call.


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d1TzY8
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I need to leave, but Im so scared. Im so amazed how people like yourself can care so much and give me advice..I really appreciate it!

I think once school starts, I might talk to one of my teachers.

Maybe after school, I can call the help line. But knowing my friends' parents, they would try to talk to my step dad and makes things worse.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Heather
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Oh, honey.

This is certainly a tough one. You know, I think, that my experiences at your age ( a little younger, though, I think) were very similar to yours.

I did, in fact, leave home. For a while, I was in and out and all over the place -- at friends houses, on park benches, the whole nine yards. I'm only going to tell you the truth here and let you make your own choices, so the truth is that I wasn't scared. At home is where I was scared.

Eventually, I hooked up with my biological father and we shared an apartment until I went to college. In other words, I got very lucky.

But while I was all over the place, I should also add that I was a very plucky, fearless kid. I also was very streetwise. In other words, a lot of bad things could have happened to me and they didn't, and mostly I was just plain lucky. I also managed to still see my therapist throughout all of this, she stopped charging me, and she really helped me to get out and stay out and do so safely. I can't imagine doing what I did without her and my father and still managing to keep myself together, healthy and continue my life. To do this right and so that you're still safe and can keep moving on, honey, you need an advocate.

Obviously, there are a zillion more aspects to this, and you're welcome to write me if you want them. But here is what I would advise right now:

1) Find an adult you can trust. Someone, anyone. Sounds like your old chemistry teacher may be a good call. You need to tell someone all of this as soon as possible. The hotline Lisa gave you could also work for this.
2) Either with that adult -- or if you cannot find one -- get in touch with some sort of local community center immediately. If you cannot find one, find a lawyer. Weird as that sounds, there are lawyers expressly for this purpose and they are bound to keep your information confidential. My call on these situations is that no one can solve a problem when their person is in immediate danger, and yours is, especially when they aren't being protected by family. Many communities have shelters expressly for women and children who are being abused. You need to find one or some other safe haven right now. When these things are handled as they should be, the responsibility to make you safe should NOT rest on you.
3) As a couple other people have said, finding SOME police organization -- perhaps one in the next town if yours is biased -- and filing a report could help you. Really, a children and family services rep should be getting you AND your brother out and somewhere safe.

Are you in Missouri or in Kansas? I'm sure I can find you some contacts today. Let me know where you are.

Meanwhile, while you figure all of this out, sugar, here is a word of advice: you need to be as cooperative at home as you possibly can. Do whatever it is you normally do to keep things from escalating, and I know it feels terrible to do that when what's happening isn't your fault, but the point is, it'll help to keep things safe and calm so you can start looking at your options.

Let's see what we can do about this today, okay? Work with me.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited August 06, 2000).]


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Heather
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YWCA of Kansas City
1021 Pennsylvania
Kansas City,MO64105-
(816) 842-9922

YWCA of Kansas City Kansas
1017 N Sixth St.
Kansas City,KS66101-2893
(913) 371-1105 http://www.ywca-kck.org

I don't know if those are close to you, but YWCA's exist to handle this sort of thing, and I can pretty much promise you they will help. They have contacts for safehouses and the whole nine yards.

If that isn't close, you can get listings for local chapters at: http://www.ywca.org

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited August 06, 2000).]


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Heather
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I'm going to add one more thing.

When most abusers, or people in general, make threats -- especially when they clearly do other things without threatening at all -- it usually isn't about *what* they are threatening, but simply the threat itself.

Threats are used for control and make you scared. Without sounding insensitive, I'm going to tell you what I know about them: ignore them right now, quietly, inside yourself. I mean it. Right now while we find you a solution, you simply need to keep the waters cool, but if you can, put that threat out of your mind. If someone is going to kill you or hurt you, they simply are going to do so, and that is probably the one time they won't threaten to do it. You know that. But that threat is a tool used to keep you scared and right now, sugar, you need to be brave, okay?


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d1TzY8
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Here's a suggestion..Tell me if its the wrong way to go. My step dad, mom..well, the whole family except for me went to my step grandmothers house (I hate it out there cause she is just as bad, my step grandpa is pretty damn cool though!)

My parents dont know about my friends birthday today, and we were going to go out. This is my chance to escape. I can take my most prized posessions. I have have my pillow case on the end of the sticks...like the fairy tales!! LoL
OK...get real: But really. I couldnt stay with her because thats the first place my mom and step dad would go. Im scared to death of staying on a bench..wut if someone tries to rape me? Or kill me? I can take a tent or something and camp in the woods.

OR...should I wait until I get my car? My mother is providing me with a car so I can drive to work and school. But she even told me that if i get a car I have to promise not to take off. But that would be my best bet.

What do I do?! If I wait until I get my car (which is in anywhere from one week to one month) I will have a place to stay..like a mobile home type thing..LoL

Or I could leave today and go by foot?!

Ive never been so scared, please, anyone..help.

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Lady Moonlight
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Do you think you can get as far as Columbia, MO? They have a place called The Shelter, which protects battered women and children. I don't know what their policy on minors is, but it'd be worth a call and they can probably give you more resources in KC. Their hotline # is 1-800-548-2480.

Good luck.


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deegurl143
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Well, I know that the car sounds like a good safe idea, but it's a lot easier for your step-dad to track you down. all he has to do is go to the police and tell them you stole the car and YOU have to pay for the concequinces (spelled wrong). believe me your step-dad will really react to that one to.
Take Miz S's advice. She seems to know the most about the situation. But you gotta remember when she ran away she wasn't as frightened as you of what can happen on the streets. those guys that rape can sense fear.

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~*GoDdEsS oF lOvE aNd BeAuTy*~


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Lady Moonlight
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One more suggestion...if you run, PLAN. Don't just run away, run TO someplace. Call the numbers Miz Scarlet or I gave you and know where you're going when you leave home. Take your money (if you have any), a few changes of clothes, and some belongings that have meaning for you. Don't take more than you can carry yourself. If you have things that are special to you but are too much to carry, maybe you could have a friend hide them for you in his or her house.

You can get help. It's going to be very hard, but you can do it, and get your brother out, too. I don't think your stepfather will kill him; "Bob" sounds like an evil SOB, but not totally stupid. When you contact someone to help you, be sure you tell them that your brother is in danger, too, and needs to be removed from the home. If your local authorities don't believe you, then find some in KC who will. It's a big place. If it's anything like my area, stuff like child abuse isn't under the city authorities, anyhow; it's under the supervision of the county government.

Good luck.


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d1TzY8
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You guys are SO good to me! I really am glad I stumbled across this web site cause w/o you I could be like dead now. I want to thank ALL of you from the bottom of my heart because I know it is difficult to give advice like this to people you dont know, and I love you guys!

I never thought I would meet so many new people who cared about me. Most all of you here care more about me than my step-father. That is sad. I wish I could be normal. Since my step dad isnt here right now, I'll call EVERY hotline if thats what it takes just to cure this.

With all my heart..god bless you all!

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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d1TzY8
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Thanx SOO much! I sure will!

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Heather
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We're all rooting for you, honey.

Just be sure, as Lady said, to really have a plan, and to get an adult advocate. No one, even the most prepared and fearless person can be safe completely alone in the world out there, doll. You need someone in your corner who can guide you through this legally and protectively. That is the only way you can assure yourself the protection you really need now, and for the future. It also is the first step to making sure the rest of your family gets some help.

Keep us posted. You're in my prayers.


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Ashley
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Aren't there state lawyers? You know the ones that can defend you in court if your under 18. I live in Mississippi. They dod have that here. I am sorry this is happening to you. I can't say that I can relate, but some things I can. All I can say is you need to get away from this, but you need to be safe all in one. Please be careful, he is dangerous, please get out, and stay safe.
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d1TzY8
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OMG you guys!!! My mother had a "surprise" when she came home today!! I was talking to one of the hotline people, and my mother walked in, and was like HANG UP..i felt bad, but I did.

She took me in the other room so my wicked step father couldnt hear. For MONTHS now...my mother has been in the process of DIVORCING him!!!!!!!!!! She didn't tell me cause she thought if he had found out she told me, he would hurt me...

She is getting a second job so she can support us, and with me getting a job, and my brother looking for one, things are FOR ONCE looking much brighter!!!

My gosh! I am soo happy! I am glad she told me now, cause if I would have split, everything would have turned into a nite mere.

I cant thank you guys enough for allll you have done!! I thank each and everyone one who replied with every millimeter of my heart!

With you guys..I made it through!!!

I am glad to say..You can CLOSE THE THREAD ON THIS ONE!!!

I love you guys!!!

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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deegurl143
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OMG!!!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!! See there is a God and with all of us praying for you, he answered us. Sorry to say something so religious for the people that don't believe.
But that's not the point, the point is I'm SOOOOOOOO HAPPY for you. I don't even know you, but I cared so much that you would be ok. Now things are looking up.
Just be careful when you guys leave him cuz he might get very upset....which is what a restraining order is.
SMILES AND HUGS ALL AROUND!!!!!!

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~*GoDdEsS oF lOvE aNd BeAuTy*~


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d1TzY8
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OMG!! I dont know you either!! But I love you!!! You guys here mean sooo much to me!!!
Thanx SOOOOO much for the support!!

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Ophelia
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Oh my, oh my! stop! before anyone closes the thread! first, i want to say that I am so happy for you!!! and i am so proud of you! you stuck in there and now, things are going to be okay! this just proves that good things happens to awesome people!
you can go on and live life the way you are supposed to...i haven't been this happy in a long time! congratulations!
stay awesome! (and keep us up to date on how things go!!!)
lotsa, lotsa luv and angel hugs,
holly

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d1TzY8
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You are SOO sweet! Thanx! Now...at nite, instead of crying cuz im scared of wut might happen to me the next day..I cry and smile cuz im SOOOOO happy that the next day is one day closer that i dont have to live like that anymore!!

You're the best!!

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Heather
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Honey, that is the best news I have heard all day. You jhust made me cry and smile at the same time.

However, don't throw away those numbers. In fact, you should give the YWCA ones to your Mom. In cases like these there are often grants and a TON of support (including free legal for divorces) for cases like this one. And, in the instance that she needs some protection when this all goes down, they can help with that too.

Good luck, honey. You keep us all posted. I think you just made everyone's day.


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Lady Moonlight
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I am so happy for you!

I'm with Miz Scarlett, though...hang on to those numbers in case he tries to take stuff out on you or your mom. Good luck!


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Butter_Bee
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OMG(((HUG))) .....I am so sorry you have to go through all of this.You dont deserve any of it. I hope everything works out for you and I wish you the best of luck. Keep in Touch.!byebye.

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"Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly"
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"Dont worry about what you dont have and want , but care for who you are"
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I <3 Kevin!!!
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DarkChild717
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I'm so happy for you. My friend has a dick for a stepdad, but he knows if he touches her again she will go balistic on him. I'm proud of you.

[This message has been edited by DarkChild717 (edited August 10, 2000).]


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d1TzY8
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WHAT DO I DO?! The only people who seem to care about me are people on the internet.

Of course my mother changed her mind. I am stuck in this sux *** house with my step father...

PLEASE...what do I do?! I thought everything was going to be perfect again..

My mother "cant support our family" with just her salary...SHE MAKES LIKE OVER 100,000 DOLLARS....why does she have to be such an ******* ?! ALL that money goes to HER, and my younger sister.


**** EVERYONE in my house. I contain myself from cutting myself. I write in a journal. iT helps a BUNCH.

I come home from work today (i try to stall) and my mom yells at me for being home late...i got home at like 9:30..maybe earlier.

I tried to not come home, but if im not home by 9:30, my parents will literally beat me up. Ever heard of the term: "Beat me up, Scotty!" Thats pretty normal in my house..

My step father has turned my mom into a bad person. She used to be the perfect mom...she didnt cuss, smoke, HIT anyone...perfect! (not saying if you do any of those you arent perfect..)

please...if i have to go through this any longer..im gonna kill..them

PS: This is reallly stupid. But its a tradition in my house w/ me and my mom if N SYNC ever comes to KC or near then we would always go..she doesnt want to go now. Now I have NO way (its in St Louis...) and I would do ANYTHING just to go..i really love them and would give up anything i own just to tell them. My mom doesnt care about anything anymore. No more N SYNC for me. You guys dont know how much I love them...


but anyways...suggestions?! I htought this was ending..

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The *SeXiEsT* guys wear NOTHING but a smile!


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Beppie
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I think that the best thing to do would be to pick up where you left off when your mother told you she was divorcing him. I can only imagine how upset you must be at the moment, but I think we've all seen what a strong person you are. Keep ringing the support groups and assess your options.

It may also be an option to give your mother some of those phone numbers. In spite of the money she earns, she really could feel trapped in the marriage, and she may come to realise that such trapping exist mostly in her own mind.


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Lady Moonlight
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I know this is tough, but think of it this way...you haven't really lost anything, except some hope. You've just slipped back a few steps, and you've been here, you know what your options are.

It sounds like your mom is having her own internal struggles with deciding what she wants to do about her marriage. I know you feel jerked around, but think about where she's at for a minute. She must have really loved your stepdad in order to marry him. Probably she still does on some level. Deciding to divorce somebody is tough--just think about how people on the boards agonize about whether or not to break up with somebody, and a marriage is much more serious than just a dating relationship. The sad part is that she's jerking you around in the process, but that's probably why she didn't tell you she was even considering it until she felt like she had to.

Here's something else to think about: What if your family situation could be fixed so that your stepdad was at least a decent human being? Not your friend, necessarily, but somebody you could share a house with fairly pleasantly? After all, you probably haven't got that many more years before you go off to college or otherwise move out on your own, right? I know you might rather just get rid of him, but if your mom really wants to save her marriage, some serious family therapy to try to make the current situation liveable might be an acceptable alternative, and one you could express to your mom. She knows you're unhappy, already, and she might feel comforted to know that you understand that she doesn't just want to throw her marriage away.

And of course, there's always those hotline numbers if it comes to that.

One final thing...St. Louis is 4 hours drive away from Kansas City. That's a pretty long trip, even for an N Sync concert. Maybe your mom doesn't feel like she can handle it with all the other stress in her life right now. But what if you told her that you really want to see the concert, but you were also looking forward to having some time just for the two of you, and you're really disappointed that you two aren't going to get that. After all, that's part of it, isn't it? It's not only N Sync, it's also losing out on the special time with your mom.

[This message has been edited by Lady Moonlight (edited August 17, 2000).]


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Heather
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Sweetie, I agree wholeheartedly with what Lady is saying right now.

Let me tell you what I know in hindsight from my own situation. As you know, I just left home.

However, from talking to my Mom in years since, I can tell you that had I tried to put my own stuff aside just a little (and not to the point that I compromised my own safety) and told her my concerns, but more than anything, gave her some extra support and patience, she would hvae gotten her own crud together a lot faster.

As it is, it was only after I left that she reaalized how terrible everything had becaome with my stepfather, and she divorced him the following year. I don't know -- for myself -- if I would choose to do things differently or not, but I do know that I really broke her heart and that I had no idea when I left how important I was to her.

If you can, honey, recognize that your mother is probably very scared of losing you right now, very scared for herself, and very angry about her choices and the fact that she clearly feels locked into them.

Sit down and have a very serious talk with her. Let her know that the beatings with your stepfather have to stop, or else you cannot stay and will deal with the proper channels to get that taken care of. That's fair. But also, let her know what you've said here : that you love her lots and that you still WANT a family with her in it. Ask how you can help her to fix all of this. Above all else, set the anger aside for a bit. A concert is important, I understand, but it isn't as important as your emotional health and your family. It just isn't.


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