Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » i want him gone...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: i want him gone...
LifeAfterDeath18
Activist
Member # 26590

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LifeAfterDeath18     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ok lets get right to the point.

My ex bf and i had a past of 1 year and 3 months. It was sexual and we were really close. Only problem was that he was a verbal abuser. And i dealt with it. But i didnt realize the abuse until 13 months. He gets mad very easily. But i still satyed with him cause i loved him.

Now that we're broken up, all he does is seem to fight with me and talk about how he "still loves me" but he kinda "loves" his ex gf whom i loathe strongly. But im trying not to care anymore so i wont get hurt. And he gets mad because i "dont care" and he doesnt seem to understand that i want him to move on and i want to move on and i dont want to get hurt by caring.

I also think i've fallen out of love with him. And i dont know how to tell him that my feelings have changed and as much as i want him in my life, i dont. I mostly want him out of my life for good. Since he "cant" be friends with me because he will never see me as just a friend. He will always try to kiss me and treat me like a gf.

How can i tell him goodbye without him getting mad and hanging up? I want this to end on a good note.

Posts: 79 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You really don't need this guy. The best note you can end things on s a quiet one. Don't break up with him on the phone. Don't go see him. Just send him a note stating plainly that you aren't interested in a relationship with him anymore and you want to stop seeing each other. No flowery language. Don't insult him, but don't praise him or he'll get the wrong idea.

He's a manipulator, an abuser, and he's not what you want. Just curb the guy with the letter. Then don't take his calls anymore. Block is emails. You need as much space as possible for the next few months so you don't relapse.

--------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
In all truth, having a "good" or nice ending to a relationship with an abusive person is something that is VERY unlikely to happen: it just rarely does.

So, I think a better use of your energy would just be to end this as completely as possible and move on. Don't concern yourself with how he reacts, or if he'll get mad. He's an abuser, and things aren't going to go his way, so chances are good he is GOING to get mad.

I'd aim for as low-drama, low-contact an ending as you can. Gumdrop's suggestions are sage. I'd just be sure that reather than saying you do not WANT to see him anymore, you say that you WILL NOT be seeing him anymore. Don't leave room for wiggling.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67941 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3