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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » i want him gone...

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Author Topic: i want him gone...
Member # 26590

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ok lets get right to the point.

My ex bf and i had a past of 1 year and 3 months. It was sexual and we were really close. Only problem was that he was a verbal abuser. And i dealt with it. But i didnt realize the abuse until 13 months. He gets mad very easily. But i still satyed with him cause i loved him.

Now that we're broken up, all he does is seem to fight with me and talk about how he "still loves me" but he kinda "loves" his ex gf whom i loathe strongly. But im trying not to care anymore so i wont get hurt. And he gets mad because i "dont care" and he doesnt seem to understand that i want him to move on and i want to move on and i dont want to get hurt by caring.

I also think i've fallen out of love with him. And i dont know how to tell him that my feelings have changed and as much as i want him in my life, i dont. I mostly want him out of my life for good. Since he "cant" be friends with me because he will never see me as just a friend. He will always try to kiss me and treat me like a gf.

How can i tell him goodbye without him getting mad and hanging up? I want this to end on a good note.

Posts: 79 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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You really don't need this guy. The best note you can end things on s a quiet one. Don't break up with him on the phone. Don't go see him. Just send him a note stating plainly that you aren't interested in a relationship with him anymore and you want to stop seeing each other. No flowery language. Don't insult him, but don't praise him or he'll get the wrong idea.

He's a manipulator, an abuser, and he's not what you want. Just curb the guy with the letter. Then don't take his calls anymore. Block is emails. You need as much space as possible for the next few months so you don't relapse.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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In all truth, having a "good" or nice ending to a relationship with an abusive person is something that is VERY unlikely to happen: it just rarely does.

So, I think a better use of your energy would just be to end this as completely as possible and move on. Don't concern yourself with how he reacts, or if he'll get mad. He's an abuser, and things aren't going to go his way, so chances are good he is GOING to get mad.

I'd aim for as low-drama, low-contact an ending as you can. Gumdrop's suggestions are sage. I'd just be sure that reather than saying you do not WANT to see him anymore, you say that you WILL NOT be seeing him anymore. Don't leave room for wiggling.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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