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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how to avoid the same mistakes (Page 2)

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Author Topic: how to avoid the same mistakes
MaddleyLove
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just an update:
for a second time the guy ive been seeing said he was having second thoughts about whether a relationship is right for him at the moment. so hes gone. [Frown]

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Sam W
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I'm sorry Maddley, it sucks when someone we wanted a certain type of relationship with does not want the same with us.

But, I think this does present an opportunity for some of the soul searching stuff we recommended earlier in the thread. Taking some time to be single and sort out who you are outside of your romantic relationships, and what you want from them AND what you'll bring to them in the future might be really beneficial to you in the long run.

Also, did you see Heather's post about counseling, and whether or not you've been seeing counselor and not only using a crisis line?

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MaddleyLove
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I guess im almost scared to be single. don't get me wrong, its liberating, but I don't know i've been getting quite lonely recently, doing things I did when I was in a relationship, like going to certain resturants or, like yesterday, I went for a walk with my mum and where we went was the place where my ex first told me he liked me and we got together, and I remember it was such a perfect day and it made me so happy, but it was so painful going back, because so much has changed.
my friends all say I need to be single, but I feel almost like I don't know how to be, I mean before I was in my first relationship I was so innocent and nave, I guess I feel now how I should have felt back then, I feel like only since the breakup I feel like a single person should? im sorry if that doesn't make sense, I don't quite know how to word it.
yes i've only been using a crisis line, but getting email support. i've done a lot in the past week or two to self heal and repair and pull myself out of the dark place I was in.

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Sam W
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Then again, I have to reiterate what Heather and others have been saying: you need to find a one on one, in person, non-crisis counselor. Having that support and help may make some of the things you've been dealing with emotion-wise easier to handle.

I think a good first step in the transition from coupled to single is to maybe avoid places that you associate with that relationship for a little while. Being single, especially if we haven't been so in a while, can be scary. But it's also a time to put energy into relationships we've maybe let fall by the wayside, be that with friends or with ourselves. Does that make sense?

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MaddleyLove
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yeah I will try to avoid places in future, but the problem is he's come back to work now hes back from uni.
today was the first shift we were in together, and im not sure I could cope, and I was so angry but I decided to be nice and try and make conversation. again, hes still the same arrogant person he always was, but as soon as I started making conversation...my soul felt clearer and I felt lighter somehow, like tension had lifted.

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