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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i have a problem?

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Author Topic: i have a problem?
Member # 96045

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Dear Scarleteen,
me and my boyfriend have been friends for about 2 years. we recently started dating and i have been the happiest i have ever been in months. we have a really great bond and he is so sweet and caring. it's been going great nothing is wrong except one thing. my boyfriend is black and my dad is really racist. i told my boyfriend before we dated about the situation and he doesn't care because nobody should get between us. i was scared to tell my dad and i finally told him today because my boyfriend wanted to come over. he said he better not be black! i will take your car away and you can grab your things and go if you stay with him. i cried because i am finally happy in a relationship and with a great guy that i knew for 2 years and my dad wants to ruin it. i don't know what to do. i talked to people about this because i knew that was going to happen and they said in 2 months you will 18 and you are old enough to make your own decisions. if both of you are happy, you need to just ignore your dad because it's your life. me and my dad have a great bond but now it's ruined. my dad won't even talk to me. what should i do?
Thanks so much!

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Marissa,

I'm sorry, that sounds like a really frustrating and upsetting situation to be in.

While I agree with the people who are saying that your dad should not have any say in your relationship, acknowledging that doesn't mean that your dad is incapable of influencing it by, say, taking away your car if you continue to date your boyfriend.

Ultimately, your decision on what to do in this situation is up to you. I think a sound approach would be to weigh the risks and rewards of each decision. You know your dad better than any of us here, so you need to try and evaluate whether or not he would follow through with his threat to throw you out if you continue seeing your boyfriend. If you think he would? Then weigh that against the positives of staying with your boyfriend and see if it's a risk you are realistically prepared to take.

I do want to ask, are you planning on moving out/ going away to school when you turn 18? And are there any adults (like family or close family friends) who are supportive of your relationship? And do you feel safe living in your house with your dad?

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