I'm a 21 year old college student about to enter my second relationship (though the first one was very short and didn't get very far). Basically what I'm wondering is if I might have some kind of anxiety regarding relationships or intimacy (and if I should seek professional help).
So whenever I like a guy, I'm fine with spending time with them - until they ask me out. As soon as they ask me out, I freak out internally and start wondering if I even like the guy. For example, I went on a date with this guy on Sunday, and I spent the whole time being really nervous and couldn't relax at all. Since then, I've spent no more than an hour at a time with him (we used to spend a lot more time together and I felt completely comfortable with him). I can't sleep much anymore, and when I do I have bad dreams. I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything, and my schoolwork is starting to suffer because of it. My stomach has been hurting for basically the entire week, and I've been thinking about all of this nonstop.
This can't be normal, right? I mean, normally I would think people would want to spend time with their significant other, but I just keep trying to think of ways that I can end the relationship without hurting anyone's feelings.
I have no idea why I feel like this, but I just want to be able to someday be in a relationship that makes me happy. What do I need to do?
Posts: 1 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2014
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Hello Red Fox, so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It sounds frustrating and I really feel for you!
I would say that maybe a lot of people feel this way, especially in early relationships. Sadly, they might just keep it to themselves and not seek any support. It IS scary, and a lot to process, and I don't think it is up to you to feel completely ok with it
Without knowing more about where this could be coming from I would say a very important thing is to allow yourself the space that you feel you need to feel ok. If you feel like you need to spend less than an hour together that's fine. If you feel like this is just too difficult for you at the moment then that's a perfectly good reason, if you wanted, to break up. This kind of relationship is not compulsory simply because we enjoyed spending time with someone when single.
It could just be that you preferred things before. In which case forcing the sort of relationship you're pursuing now is highly likely to take a toll on your mental health.
That said, it can be the case that anxiety is simply its own problem connected to more parts of our lives than just the scenario or relationships where we feel it. I do recommend therapy if you're having problems with anxiety. It's not about how 'normal' you're not, so much as how crap you're feeling, and I really feel that you deserve to feel a whole lot better and happier!
Does some of that ring true for you?
Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011
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