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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » still crushing on my friend

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Author Topic: still crushing on my friend
Member # 98830

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I've been crushing on my best guy friend at work for almost a year now. I finally got the courage to tell him a month or so ago and he came out to me as gay. I was a bit upset at first, but I understood that nothing more than friendship would ever happen between us, and I told myself I was over him. Actually, I was mostly just glad he had the courage to come out to me first. I know how hard that can be. But in the past week or so I've realized I still am majorly hung up on him. I get that it's a lost cause, but the more I see of him, the more my crush comes back. And I hate it. He's such a great friend and I don't want to have to cut him off or lose him because of a stupid little crush. I've tried forgetting about boys all together, or becoming more involved with other guys to forget about him, but every time I go into work and see him, it just all falls apart.
Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Jackie,

First off, kudos to you for actually telling this guy about your feelings for him.

So, there are a few things you might find helpful. The first is to acknowledge that getting over a crush can take time, so don't be too hard on yourself for not bouncing back immediately. My second suggestion is to focus on other aspects of your life besides your romantic life. While it can feel like the logical approach to try and throw yourself into other relationships to forget about a crush, that can often backfiring by causing us to compare the person we are in that relationship with to our "could have been" relationship with our crush.

It may also be helpful to keep interactions with him polite and professional for a bit. If he's someone you want as a friend in the future, he will understand that finding out a crush is a definite no-go may mean that you scale back interaction until you've gotten over your feelings (or can at least manage them in a way that doesn't make you feel pining and unhappy after every interaction).

I think taking a look at some self-care tips may also help, just do you have some approaches to take when you start feeling down:
Self-Care a La Carte

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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