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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Green flags

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Author Topic: Green flags
Member # 109023

Icon 14 posted      Profile for zeitvogel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi there! I'd like to make a happy thread, one that is about signs that a relationship is healthy and good for you.

I'm especially looking for pure positives, not just a list of "it doesn't have any of these bad signs", but things that are actually good about the relationship.

Here's what I got so far:

* They like to do nice things for you

* Being near them makes you feel happier

* Being near them makes you feel safer

* Touching them feels natural

* They admire something about you

* You look forward to doing things together

* They remember things that are important to you

* It's easy to make plans with them

Posts: 47 | From: Finland | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108007

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kaizen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I second all of those!

* They care about things you're interested in, even subjects that wouldn't interest them otherwise

* They make an effort to get along with, or at least tolerate, people you are close to

* When you argue, they aim to find a solution you are both happy with, not to "win" or prove that they're right

* They respect your opinions in general
(This one is very important. I've thought of at least three possible list items that actually fall under this heading.)

* You aren't afraid of embarrassing yourself around them

* You feel comfortable asking them for things/to do things for you

* You feel comfortable telling them they've upset you

* If they've upset you, they apologize, or at least say they didn't mean to upset you
(I don't believe people have to apologize for misunderstandings, but they should acknowledge how you feel and reassure you.)

* They make time for you

I love this idea, by the way! It's basically the opposite of the Abusive Partner checklist, and I know a lot of times you end up asking people why they're still in a relationship (what's good about it), so this could be a good checklist for that.

~Bee o( l l )-

Posts: 24 | From: Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Molias     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I love lists like this! My thoughts:
  • they encourage you when you're feeling low, or need a kick in the pants to make positive changes
  • they love spending time with you and are also willing to give you space as needed
  • you can laugh together about all sorts of ridiculous stuff
  • spending time together restores your mental energy
  • they like & respect you without putting you on a pedestal
  • they respect your physical and emotional boundaries with no argument

[ 02-14-2014, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Molias ]

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Yay for lists like this!

-You feel as though they bring out the parts of yourself that you like
-You can have disagreements (and even fights) without feeling unsafe or feeling like the relationship is over.
-They communicate their boundaries and respect yours.
-They support and encourage you in your goals.
-You like being around them, even in the quiet moments.
-They love you as you are, rather than an ideal version of you.

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Member # 108007

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kaizen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
* Both of you are willing to share any negative feelings about the relationship/something the other person is doing, and deal with them together in a reasonable way

(In the past few days I have seen about five instances of the trope "If a woman says she's okay with something, she's really not, and men should realize this and act accordingly" and it's driving me nuts.)

~Bee o( l l )-

Posts: 24 | From: Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
~you can talk for hours about anything and still want to know more
~you laugh until you cry over something you did or say together
~something good or bad happens and they're the first person you "have to tell"
~they're there for you no matter how silly they think the problem may be
~they help you learn more about yourself
~you can't help smiling and you don't know why [Smile]

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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