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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to create intimacy without touches?

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Author Topic: How to create intimacy without touches?
BailyB
Neophyte
Member # 109183

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i'm 1 year and 6 months with my boyfriend (we are best friends for almost 3 years) and I love him more than anything.
until like 3 months ago we really enjoyed doing non-risky things like touching each other above the clothes, kissing, hugging, maybe just a little touches under the clothes. (like him touching my vagina with his finger)
I even enjoyed it more than he did and well he kinda got used to it and took it for granted .

but 3 months ago a little bug crawled into my head thinking I can get pregnant from touches around my private area. so today I told him I don't feel comfortable anymore with doing all the things we used to. he said I don't act like his girlfriend anymore and that it isn't healthy for me to get scared from nothing. (in 1 month i'll do a blood test because i'm scared I got pregnant from pre cum on finger)

now we only do stuff like go to the movies together and doing our homeworks and playing games and charades. I will be 16 on friday and he just tutned 15 last december so I think it fits to our age. and we should take a break from touching each other.

my question is- how to make him feel like we are more than just friends without putting myself in a risk?? I want to create a feeling of intimacy but I'm scared to get pregnant [Frown]

Posts: 16 | From: Israel | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Intimacy just means that we and someone else become closer to each other, ultimately. Sex is one way to enjoy or establish more intimacy, but sex and any kind of physical touch are only one way.

It might help to think about what you do that creates intimacy in your friendships that are not sexual? What things do you do, or have you done, with friends to get closer to each other?

When your boyfriend said you did not act like his girlfriend, did you ask him what he meant by that? If so, what did he have to say?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BailyB
Neophyte
Member # 109183

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I asked him and he told me that lately I started fricking out about silly situations that can't possibly get me pregnant. and that i'm too stressed all the time and he cares about me and don't want me to suffer.
also he touched my butt over the clothes and I moved his hand because i didn't feel comfortable doing that.
we used to be very free around each other and be very close physicaly .
also he says i'm acting really strange lately,
like I used to not freak out from touching and I didn't take any pills, and now I am taking pills and also started get scared from touches . he thinks I don't really make sense.
I love my boyfriend but won't stress myself just to provide his needs. I told him he can masturbate to porn without feeling guilty and he says it makes him feel guilty and he doesn't like it and he just want to hug me and make out with me like in old times.. i also really miss that and having hard time without it.

is there any more kinds of birth controls i can take other than pills to prevent pregnancy from pre cum on finger? i heard about a shot but also heard it can cause many side effects?

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zeitvogel
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Member # 109023

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Hey I have an idea for you that may or may not work. How about setting a time limit of say two weeks? Two weeks of absolutely no making out AND absolutely no talking about making out, and the day after that you meet up and talk about it again. That might give you a break from the stress, give you time to relax and maybe figure out how you're feeling about all this.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, you are, from all your posts, clearly struggling with panic and anxiety. That is real, and is something you will need, most likely, to get some help with, from a qualified mental health professional. You cannot just magic a mental health issue away, and it also is not healthy for you to be doing things you do not feel good about, or which are triggering panic or anxiety.

If your boyfriend does not understand or accept that, you two need, or he needs, to figure out what he needs to do in order to be able to if not understand, than to just accept that for now.

If you are interested in finding out about the range of birth control options, you can use our walk-through for that right here: Birth Control Bingo!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BailyB
Neophyte
Member # 109183

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Heather then who do you think I should talk to?
I want to get over my anxieties but I don't know how,,


zeitvogel that's a nice idea but i'm really afraid from stupid things like touching his hand then touching myself down there.. thinking i may have touched pre cum on his hands..

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Again, a qualified mental healthcare professional. Since you have had some therapy before, per your other thread, you will take the same route to find a therapist or counselor now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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