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Author Topic: I want to know if she likes me back
Aliyaah227
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Hello scarleteen.. I find this site is the best site to help me out in everything I need [Smile] thank you so much..

First I study in a college, there's a girl in my class sometimes I catch her looking at me.. or when I pass by her and her friends they stare at me.. 2nd thing is there are so many parking lots in our university she used to park her car in a parking called " p6 " after few days she noticed that I always park my car in the other one which is called " P4 " last week till yesterday I saw her parking her car with me in the same parking lot.. although her friends are still going to the other parking lot.. the first time I saw her going to her car I saw her friends smiling at me while she's going the same parking lot as mine.. I like her so much.. last thing, yesterday when we finished our class I was walking to my car I noticed that she's walking behind me REALLY FAST and when she passed by me she had a little smile on her face without saying anything.. I want to know if she likes me back? And what are the signs on a girl if she likes you? [Smile]

- I followed her on instagram and twitter her accounts are private she didn't accept me still.. I meant she didn't decline me.. for 10 days now
Ps: I'm a lesbian and I don't know if she's too!

Thanks

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi Aliyaah227 and welcome to the Scarleteen message boards,

I'm so glad to hear our site has been helpful. [Smile]

You know, everyone is so individual that there really is no one sign, or set of signs, that say if a person likes you. If only it were as easy as that! [Smile]

Having said that, a person smiling at you and looking at you is usually a sign that they're friendly, and would be open to talking with you.



I can certainly understand it feeling extra awkward not knowing if she is someone who would have a romantic interest in you. There's really no way to now if someone is a lesbian, or anything else, unless they tell you.

Have you ever talked to this girl? Regardless of whether she has a romantic interest in you, or is interested in just getting to know you, talking to her is the first step. How do you feel about starting a conversation with her next time you see her?

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Robin

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Aliyaah227
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Thanks for the reply, I really want to talk to her but I don't know how to start a conversation I only know her name.. if you can help or give me ideas I will appreciate it.. specially people in my country are weird I mean not everyone is open minded if you what I mean [Frown] it makes it difficult to know new people or make new friends
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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"Hello, how are you?" is truly usually the best way to start. [Smile]

You might also want to hold up with social media requests for her before you do do something as simple as at least talking a little in person. It can put someone off, I'd say, to have someone asking for access with something like a closed Twitter account who you have seen in person, but who hasn't even said hello to you, or engaged you in a conversation at all face-to-face.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Aliyaah227
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Oh so I made a big mistake now? I have a bad news too! She declined me on instagram I'm disappointed I wish I've read your reply first [Frown] .. I have an idea on my mind I want to share it with you I was thinking the next time I see her I will tell her " hello how are you?, I'm sorry I requested you on instagram and twitter I wanted to ask you about our class and I couldn't ask you face to face because I'm shy! I don't want you to misunderstand me... etc " I don't know if it's right to say that [Frown] I don't want her to think that I'm a stalker or something :/ I'm so stupid
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Heather
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You know, I wouldn't classify something like this as a "big mistake." A minor social gaffe with someone you haven't even interacted with to know if you two get along, or if you like anything more than the looks of them (I mean you don't even know if *you* like her yet, because you don't know her: you just know you like how she looks, since it sounds like looking at her is the only way you have interacted with her so far)? No big. And who knows, maybe it's not even a gaffe to them. It was just a suggestion from me for now or the future, that's all.

I think I would just start with "Hello, how are you," IMO. Having someone who hasn't said hello before, ever, come up with a pile of stuff right at the gate can feel pretty overwhelming to a person.

This isn't about you being stupid. Sounds like you just feel excited and interested, but haven't had the social/life experience to sort out how to deal with that. That's okay, we live, we learn. We can't magically know these things before we even try them out. [Smile]

[ 10-25-2013, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Aliyaah227
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Aahh you made me feel better now, so I shouldn't explain to her why I followed her? And do you think that it's okay to ask her about anything about the class? Like what did the professor said about the next test? I feel awkward if I just said hello how are you? Hehe
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Heather
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Aw, gal. [Smile] Just say hi. Maybe "Hi, how are you?"

Sounds to me like you are front-loading this with way too many expectations and pressures on yourself. I get that being shy -- and also maybe being lesbian without experience dating, to boot -- presents some extra challenges and social anxieties, but just opening the door to maybe interacting with someone shouldn't be quite THIS hard. I think it's feeling that way because you're overthinking it and putting too much on it and yourself.

Saying, "Hi, how are you?" is pretty much the thing people say, in some form, to greet one another. A greeting is basically a door we open that someone can walk through or not. And that's all we can really do: we can't control whether someone does or not, nor how they want to, we can only make a gesture that our door is open. Make sense?

Also, it's okay to feel awkward. Awkwardness is a whole lot of life, after all. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Aliyaah227
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Actually yeah all you said above is right I always over think I don't know why, and I've been in two relationships but whenever I like someone I don't get a chance with them! But the 2 relationships THEY liked me first I don't if you got it [Smile]


Next time I will try to say hi if anything happened I will let you know [Big Grin] thank you so much because my friends don't know that I'm a lesbian because they're straight I feel awkward if I told them that's why I need to express my problems with you guys only [Frown]

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Heather
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I think it helps to bear in mind that when it comes to relationships, and starting them, we are generally going to have a lot more misses than hits.

Two people both having interest in each other, the same kinds of interest, and both wanting the same kind of relationship and being open to it at the same time? If you think about it, all of that coming together at once is kind of a miracle. It's generally more rare than common.

So, that being the case a few times -- or way more -- generally isn't, IMO, about something being wrong with anyone so much as it is about how uncommon it can be for all of those things to come together for any two people at the same time, that's all. [Smile]

I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like you don't have anyone in your life to be out to. [Frown] is that something you'd like to change? It can sure be awfully isolating. maybe you can think of one friend who isn't queer, but who might also be accepting? After all, we can be different from someone but still be accepting of whatever that difference is.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Aliyaah227
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I had a bestfriend she knew that I'm a lesbian she was okay with it but after 3 years of our friendship she started treating me on telling my mother about me, since that time I stopped telling anyone that I'm a lesbian I can't trust anyone now specially that she was like my sister to me I didn't expect that from her, and you know when you tell someone straight about your thoughts of girls and relationships and stuff they don't understand your feelings like they're not interesting! Even our country they don't allow that kind of relationships ( lesbians,gays) it's forbidden that's why I'm scared to tell anyone specially when it comes to my mother and sisters they hate it [Frown] but it's okay I'm 20 now I can date any girl in front of them as a friend I'm trying to get used to it
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Heather
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I'm so sorry to hear you had that experience, that really stinks. [Frown]

But you know, I'd see if you can't start to move past it. As I was just telling another user about something else this morning, one is not a pattern. In other words, because one person betrays our trust doesn't mean we can't trust anyone: it means we have learned we cannot trust THAT one person.

Especially if you're looking to start getting into dating relationships, you're going to need to learn to start building trust with people. healthy relationships of any kind require it, after all.

I'm also sorry you're living somewhere where acceptance for people who are not heterosexual is so beyond minimal. I know that is really rough, and makes all of this so much harder and scarier than it would be otherwise.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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