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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boy Problems

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Author Topic: Boy Problems
Member # 100811

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Hi! My name is Taylor. I am very conflicted at the moment, and any advice about the subject would be deeply appreciated. c:

Okay, well there's this guy named Sam. I like Sam. I have had a crush on him on and off for two years, since I met him. I am a freshman, and he is a junior. On the 23rd of September, he kissed me. He said he did in fact like me. However, the next day, he claimed he wasn't ready for a relationship with me. He proceeded to date a girl named Monica. They have been dating since October fourth. He has put it into terms I can understand: I am the variable, and he is the constant. The variable changes the constant. He said he isn't ready for this yet. He said he would give me a chance after their relationship goes to shit. He does flirt with me, and he does act interested in me.

I suppose my question would be: How should I be reacting? Should I wait? C:

You can't take the worst out of someone, without taking the best out, too.

Posts: 2 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 101745

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It can be really tough to know exactly why someone wants a relationship with one person and not another. I have to admit that I am not sure I follow what Sam means here by the variable vs. the constant, but it at least seems clear that he isn't interested in dating you right now. It's certainly possible to be attracted to someone but not want to date them for any number of reasons; it certainly takes more than attraction to be compatible in a relationship.

If you find that, in the future, both of you are single at the same time and you're both interested in dating, then hey - that's great! But I don't think it's generally a good idea to spend your time waiting for someone to get out of a relationship with the idea that you'll start dating them when that happens. What if he breaks up with his current girlfriend (or she breaks up with him) and he wants to take a break from dating for a while? Or decides he still doesn't want to date you? Maybe you'll be interested in someone else, or you will have decided that you don't actually want to date him.

And, as a side note, I have to say that it seems really disrespectful to his current girlfriend for this guy to tell you that he expects his relationship with her to turn out badly. That makes me wonder how he approaches relationships in general - what's to guarantee he wouldn't give someone else the same line if, in the future, he ends up dating you?

We certainly can't tell you the best way to respond in this situation. But I'd suggest you give yourself space to date other people if you want, and not put your romantic life on hold just in case things work out between you and Sam.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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