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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Do any physical changes occur to a women's body after her first time?

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Author Topic: Do any physical changes occur to a women's body after her first time?
keem
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Okay so me and my girlfriend are wanting to have sex (safe) we are both ready for it but were afraid that her parents will find out my question is are their any physical changed that happen to the women's body after her first time, and will she walk awkwardly after her first time?

Thank you!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Nope, that's all myth (and sometimes wishful thinking!).

But want to talk about why you two are feeling so scared, and if it's safe for the two of you to be sexual in the case her parents otherwise ind out about it?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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We've started off on the wrong foot with her parents long story short it didn't turn out well so we don't want her parents finding out because typical parents today don't want their son/daughter to be sexually active. But if no physical changes happen to her body and she doesn't walk funny after her first time I'm assuming we're in the clear?
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Heather
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There really is no such thing as "typical" parents, so how about we just talk about hers?

No, no physical changes happen: it's a penis, not an infant. [Smile] But here's the thing: parents still can tend to find out. They can find out from methods of birth control or safer sex they find, because when people are sneaking around or being dishonest, it's pretty easy to figure out something's up, from overhearing or seeing conversations with friends in person or online, the works. No one has to walk funny for someone to figure out they're engaging in sex with someone else.

So, I asked what I did because having to sneak around tends to stink, period. But then, being caught in lies by parents tends to really louse up the works for everyone, create a bunch of drama and conflict, and for some people, can also make them really unsafe, in unhealthy families.

Are you also hiding the relationship from them now, too? If so, what do you think about slowing down, instead of speeding up, and taking time to try and make things better with them first so this is much more likely to turn out well for both of you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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They really are just protective of her and want her to stick on the right path but your right I can see where your coming from. So that's cleared up no physical changes and no, they know were dating. I would explain the whole story to you but I don't want to put that out there if you'd like you can private message me through the site or email [edited- HC] I'd love to talk about it.

[ 09-11-2013, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather
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As our user guidelines you agreed to when registering state, we ask users not to publicly post their emails. We also don't do these talks through email: our traffic is simply much too high for that, and having them in this kind of arena works better for us. We also do not engage in PMs with our users, which is why PMs aren't even enabled here (including to protect all of you from harassment).

If you chose a username that is anonymous, which we also ask users to do, no one is going to know who this is about. especially since we have a LOT of posts just like this here: it's not a unique situation.

So, if you'd like to talk more about this, we can do that here, or in one of our other direct services, but if you're not comfortable using this one or any of those to do that, then we also understand and respect that, too. It just means we can't really talk about whatever you're not comfortable talking about outside email.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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Okay well might as well so a few months back me and my present girlfriend were just getting to know eachother and with in that time line her parents have caught her up with a picture of us hooking up amd went home with a hickie.. so they don't really trust her as much as they did before everything went down thats why we're afraid that they find out. We both agree on having sex but only thing that's stopping us is the fact that her parents might find out. So I'm concerned in her safety.
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Heather
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I understand.

So, can I ask if you two have talked about holding off for now while she rebuilds that trust with her parents, and you build some with them as well?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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We haven't talked about that, and we believe that'll be a long time or never ill admit in the last 2 months we've gotten some what trust. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to wait a few more months. That's also best for the relationship in my opinion anyways.
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Heather
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I totally understand that even months sometimes can feel like forever and ever when you're feeling a lot of desire and love and attraction. It can.

But realistically, I'm with you, particularly in a situation like this. Even a few months can help people really clarify things per their choices and what they can mean, take more time to talk together, work with family around this and more. Also, sometimes taking the urgency out of something like this by saying, "Hey, there are some good reasons we both have to do this, but some possible big-bads that could happen as well, so let's take it off the table for at least a little while," can help everyone make better choices, just by giving more time and space, if you get me.

And if she may be unsafe if her parents find out? In my book, that puts this in woo% no. It's not at all fun or nice to be having sex while anyone is scared of a reality like that, and even awesome sex isn't worth risking someone's personal safety over. The good stuff that will be good stuff can always keep, and is way more likely to be good, when it's a given everyone will be safe and sound.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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Completely agreeable, thank you very much. This helped a lot. You have no idea, ill take all your advise into consideration and talk it over with my girlfriend and decide what we want to do from here on out.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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No trouble, I was happy to help.

(And wave hello to my hometown for me, would you? I grew up and lived on the north side for much of my life. [Smile] )

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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keem
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Will do! Least I could do [Smile]
Posts: 7 | From: chicago | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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