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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » LDR advice

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Author Topic: LDR advice
Member # 108179

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Basically let me take you back to the beginning. I was in a long distance relationship with this guy named c who is around my age. we had dated for about 5 months and he ended it, but treated me like shit towards the end. first love, and it completely destroyed me. now that was from NH to Ohio. and we saw each other at conventions and what not and i stayed with him for two weeks. In the end distance got to him and he pushed me away and still regrets it to this day. especially since i tried fixing it and he wouldn't have it. his last gf he told her if i ever moved to Ohio things would be done between him and her and hed go for me. well after that I swore to never be in a long distance relationship again. and I rebounded with a jackass. well during that rebound I went to a convention in Texas.
I was being a booth babe, minding my own business. When all the way down the isle I saw him. This guy. I was like, shit I have to talk to him. And I kept watching him creep up the isle. I got pulled in by a customer and I was like SH****. Well eventually I get done, and I see the guy turning over the same box over and over. We got to talking, and he invited me out later that night to a bar, (Im still 20 so i couldn't go but i never said no). Well throughout that night and the next day, that guy was on my mind. Then, boom! he was right in front of me. We talked for about 20 mins. Found out he was into the same trade and he lives in Texas. We exchanged numbers and a hug and he left. i text him three hours later. saying it was nice to meet him. and now at this point my rebound was going waaaay downhill. When I went out to Texas he was like all over my sh**, blowing up my phone, and it hadn't even been a month. told me he loved me and this and that. then the last straw for that was telling me my trade wasnt a lifestyle.
now lets switch to D's perspective, He was there with his crew. Minding his own business, when he looks up and sees this girl (me) at one of the booths. He knew he had to talk to me. He made his way over and kept checking to make sure I hadn't left. He just walked into the booth pretending to look at shit he had no interest in just to talk to me. he invited me to that bar. which he didnt end up going to because it was too crowded. then he was worried i might have been there. he was supposed to leave the next day. but came back in JUST to talk to me. and at least get an email.
other weird thing about D and I. I had no idea I was going until 2 weeks before and he forgot about it until a week before. we both have the same favorite movies, even in horror franchisees. hes so easy to talk to and get along. hes 30. im 20. and age didnt really matter. we drink the same stuff. have the same favorite foods. and views on life. hes been there for me through everything.
and he was the first person i called when my friend passed.
We literally never run out of things to talk about. I went and visited him and it never felt like i was a stranger in his house for me or him. and he said thats the happiest hes been in years with me.
recently we had a talk. and both decided distance and money wouldnt work. after saying wed fight and now we go around in circles. cause i realize its wrong and he doesn't. and now we've stopped talking
he wants someone to be there for me all the time and wants me to be happy. and he cant be there for me from far away. even tho he wants to be. and he says the hardest part is thinking he'll never kiss me again. and he never shows his emotions and hes cried on the phone twice.
today i told him that we might need to stop talking cause we're only hurting each other by trying to be just friends
its impossible with the feelings we both have
he told me he still wants me to be the one he runs to. and wants himself to be the one i run to. and still wants me to fly out there.
and im like. how is that helpful
so what im going to fly out there and be like "oh we're sleeping in separate areas now holding back feelings because we have to...."
hes already stopped saying goodnight and stuff
and doesn't say cute things anymore
trying to cut it off
because distance is too hard
and then says all these other things
e kept going in cirlces "we cant blame ourselves, its not our fault. we have to accept it. i cant be the person you want me to be and for that i am so sorry. i hate myself for hurting you."
clearly its hurting us more not trying
to the point we cant even talk.

So I guess my question is. What do I do when no one wants it to end but it is. How do I move on. And any other sound advice? Sorry for pouring my heart out.


Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd say you let it be over.

In other words, it sounds like you've already stopped talking, and have both agreed this just isn't working.

So now, either someone says goodbye, or both of you stay not talking and just let it go. How long has it been since you stopped talking?

How long were the two of you together? How many times did you see each other in that time period? I ask because I'd say the answers to those questions would give more information about the soundest ways to let this end, and what you might need to do to move forward.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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