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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Computer Spying

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Author Topic: Computer Spying
Kobalt
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Member # 107989

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Hey. Sorry to be here again. Last topic I know I said I was going to the psychologist's, but that fell through because the day I had to go my Mom suddenly had some interviews to conduct and my Dad was busy as well. So I'm still in a wreck about everything, and I'm probably not going to get another appointment for a long time. Why does everything keep failing like this? I was so looking forward to this appointment, and now I just have to bear with things, as my mom undoubtedly puts this off indefinitely.

What I wanted to talk about was the topic of computer surveillance, or spying. I think my Dad might be doing it without my knowing. it sounds a bit paranoid, maybe, but I know for a fact that a few years ago he tapped my Mother's phones and when she found out and told him she was going to tell he attacked her. Now I know about a year or two ago, he'd left his computer on the bed, on, and I saw something weird looking on his screen, so I looked and I saw a spying program monitoring my internet 24/7. I never talked to him about it and I don't know if he still does it. I'm afraid he will get angry like he did with my Mother, and still a bit upset about him attacking her. (She told me about it). What should I do? This still bugs me and makes me feel very unsettled, unsafe. I feel like nothing I do is private anymore. When I called the child abuse hotline that was suggested to me here I mentioned it to the (generally unhelpful, but that's another thing) lady on the hotline, who simply said "Well lots of parents do it. It's time. There's so much porn and disgusting, violent, sexual messages on the internet these days he's looking out for you." and I began to think of this as normal. But it still upsets me. Am I wrong?

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Robin Lee
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Hi Kobalt,

I'm so sorry to hear you weren't able to get to the psychologist and that you're still struggling so much. Were you able to talk to your mom about making another appointment?

While it's true that many parents find it helpful to monitor their children's Internet use (and it's a very commonly recommended practice to parents) that isn't a healthy or helpful way to deal with the bad things that are on the internet (and everywhere else for that matter). So, I don't think that woman was right. A parent who is concerned about their child's welfare online would ideally talk to their child about that.

Aside from being dismissive (and, in my opinion, flat-out wrong) in her response to that concern of yours, what else did the woman at the child abuse hotline have to say? Did you share with her that you were afraid to talk to your father because he previously attacked your mother?

--------------------
Robin

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Kobalt
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Member # 107989

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Thank you for the response.

When I told her about my dad's response (attacking my mother) she said that it's not my job to get involved in my parent's issues, and that I should leave it be.

Otherwise I pretty much gave up with that person. Her response to all my problems was only to say, "Do you believe in God?", after some hesitation (because I kind of figured where this would go) I said 'yes' and she told me that 'in God all things are possible and that everything would work out' which I don't agree with, mainly for the reason that we SHOULD try to work things out and make them better, not sit around like ducks waiting for things to change.

I never called back because I don't think that they'll really be able to help, and I'm also afraid that she'll answer again and criticise me for not taking her advice.

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Robin Lee
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Hi Kobalt,

Oh dear. No, she wasn't at all helpful, was she? Your father attacking your mother isn't just about their issues, it's about violence in the home which affects everyone who lives there.


How are you doing right now? Were you able to (or do you feel able to) ask your parents about scheduling another appointment with the psychologist?

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Robin

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Kobalt
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Member # 107989

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I'm alright, I guess. We haven't been able to get onto her, no, but she's notoriously hard to contact, it seems. I'm also having a hard time trying to taper off this antidepressant I've been on for years, so it would be nice if she would answer a call or follow up on a plan to make an appointment. :/
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Robin Lee
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hi Kobalt,

A doctor can also help you with tapering off the antidepressant. Are you doing that under a doctor or other health care provider's supervision?

How are things between you and your parents? How safe are you feeling with them right now?

--------------------
Robin

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Kobalt
Neophyte
Member # 107989

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I have a problem right now with my Mother hitting me. I hope it's okay if I start a new topic about it.
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