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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is this a healthy relationship?

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Author Topic: Is this a healthy relationship?
henrysickle
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Member # 95804

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My friend and her boyfriend have been going out a month. Before they actually got together, apparently he started emailing things out to his friends about her, and one of the recipients took it upon him/herself to forward the emails back to my friend. She asked him about it, and he denied it he had anything to do with them. They then started going out, and the emails became more frequent: her boyfriend was supposedly saying he had doubts about her and didn't trust her etc. She reported the email accounts, though she was told to just block them. She then tells me she doesn't trust him because of the details in the emails. She then told me she discovered her new boyfriend DID send out the emails, but she'd rather block it out of her mind and pretend it didn't happen, hasn't told him she knows it was him.

She then received a couple of emails stating her email account has been compromised, and she thinks it was him trying to read her emails.

Does this sound healthy? What should she do?

Posts: 14 | From: UK | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm a little bit confused about what's happening here.

Are you saying it seems like her boyfriend has been hacking her email?

Or are you saying her boyfriend has been emailing people talking about his own feelings about their relationship?

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henrysickle
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Both. He denies both, but she said a few weeks back she doesn't trust him but wants to bury her head about it and is acting like nothing happened.
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Heather
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Okay.

Well, it's not abusive for someone to email or otherwise talk to people about their feelings, including about someone else. We all get to do that.

However, hacking into someone's email is not only a crime, but yes, an abuse of privacy. And if he's emailing everyone about these negative feelings but denies he has to her, or won't talk to her, if nothing else, we can know something's just not right here.

But it sounds like your friend knows all of these things already, and these are obviously her choices. Is she choosing to keep dating this person? Personally, if I knew someone I was dating was hacking into my email or otherwise violating my privacy, I'd be at an instant-buh-bye. Same would probably go for someone voicing conflict about me to the rooftops who wouldn't discuss it with me.

But what does SHE want to do?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Rurr
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In my opinion, the couple doesnt have comunication, or trust, and a relationship dont work without those two, so the first thing they should do if they want to save the relaitonship is be truthful to one another and talk it out, good luck to your friend(:
Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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