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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » overwhelming friendship

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Author Topic: overwhelming friendship
Member # 45929

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Okay, so I have this friend. We met because she had a crush on my boyfriend's best friend, and over the years we've become progressively closer. I have had many good times with this friend, but in a way I feel like we passed through a "honeymoon" phase of friendship, and now I feel as if our relationship is a bit suffocating. I have a larger group of friends than she does. Her best friend went off and focused primarily on dating her boyfriend, so my friend really only has me, and now that I've moved back home, we even thought of moving in together. However, because she has less friends than I do, hanging out with her can be quite a strain. She's not good friends with my other friends, so bringing her along is awkward. But when I don't, she gets very mad at me because I don't hang out with her. It's frustrating and makes me feel like a bad person for having other friends. Also, I don't have as much fun as I used to when we hang out. I find myself growing bored and even annoyed, and I would rather be by myself. Whenever I try to confide in her she also cuts me off, or quickly changes the subject, and now I'm wondering if I really want to be as close to her as I thought I used to. But the worst thing is that I don't know what to do. I would like to hang out with her less but she already has few friends, and considers me one of her best friends. But hanging out with her so much is getting overwhelming, and now I'm wondering whether moving in together is a bad idea. What should I do?
Posts: 16 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Allie R
Member # 102566

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One thing I'd like to say right off the bat: you're by no means a bad person for feeling the way you do. These are your honest feelings, and I'm sorry she doesn't seem to want to pull her weight in terms of your relationship. When you say you try to confide in her, do you mean tell her specifically how you're feeling about your friendship, or just talking in general?

In a way, continuing this friendship with the way you're feeling would not only be a disservice to you, but to her as well. If you move in together- which can be a BIG step for any two people- with the way you're currently feeling about things, I think you'll only be further entrenched in a situation you'd really not want to be in at all, and it may escalate into even worse feelings and more stress for both of you, which is never nice.

I'm thinking maybe you may want to consider communicating with her specifically with how you're feeling about this friendship, or to slowly distance yourself from her. I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but it seems like this relationship is very one sided- leaning to your friend's- and while I think it's wonderful you're being very considerate of her situation and her feelings, it might be good to consider yourself in this kerfuffle, too. It's up to you whether you think this friendship is worth salvaging, or if it may be healthier to let it drift.


Posts: 109 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45929

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Well, I definitely feel like she cuts me off in general mostly, but I am not completely comfortable confiding in her everything that I'm going through. The hardest part is how clingy she is, it's as if we're dating. She is very passive about the fact that I am busy, but I feel that next time she is passive aggressive about it I will be honest about how it makes me feel. I know that I have no obligation to be her friend, I just feel bad. Thanks for the advice though!
Posts: 16 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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