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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » loyalty conflicts

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Author Topic: loyalty conflicts
Member # 79657

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So I have a history of sexual abuse, right, and a string of bad relationships and big mistakes behind me. I'm seeing a great guy now, and I think I'm starting to fall in love with him, and he said he feels the same way about me.

Things were going great until I saw my psychiatrist on Wednesday. He says I'm not ready for a relationship yet, and I should wait until I'm more stable before dating anyone. He didn't explicitly recommend it, but when I suggested dumping my boyfriend, he kind of seemed to agree with it.

Now, I feel a lot of loyalty to my psychiatrist. I owe him my life several times over, and he's great to me, and I know he has my best interests at heart. So I did what he said and broke up with my boyfriend.

Immediately after, I regretted it. It felt like there was this big hole in my chest where my boyfriend's presence used to be, and that's when I realized I had real feelings for my boyfriend (something I've never had with any other guy). So I got back together with my boyfriend -- who then dumped me because he didn't want to interfere with my therapy.

Then, last night, my boyfriend calls me in tears because he doesn't want to be without me. Bam, we're back together again, and this time it seems like we're going to stay that way for a while. I talked to my secondary therapist about it (my psychiatrist does therapy and also meds) and my secondary therapist said he fully supports me being in a relationship because I'll never be ready if I don't jump right into one (if it presents itself and I want it) and start working on it.

So anyway, I see my psychiatrist next Wednesday, and I don't know what to tell him. I have no intention of breaking up with my boyfriend again, but I also feel like it's almost betraying my psychiatrist if I don't -- like I should just be a good patient and do what the doctor says, right? But even doctors can be wrong... I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I want to do what my doctor says and get healthy again, but I also feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is GOOD for me...

I don't know what to do.

Posts: 68 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Your therapist gives you advice and suggestions: they're not orders. They're simply the best advice (ideally) they can give about what they feel is best and most helpful and therapeutic for you.

Since it sounds like you have a good relationship with this therapist, I'd simply be honest. By all means, don't keep that you two are back together from your therapist: share what happened here and how you felt about it.

They still may disagree with your choices, but that should be okay. It's not their job to tell you what to do with your life, just to guide you as best they can. And sometimes that means meeting a patient in the middle, or simply working with the choices they're making a therapist doesn't agree with.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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