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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Idk what to say

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Author Topic: Idk what to say
That Strange CT child
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Member # 104246

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Ok this isnt abt me but its abt my sis, who is 14 and i dont think shes on this site
But earlier today she confided in me that her boyfriend has been asking her, a few times, if she wanted to do sexual things with him such as oral sex and manual sex
She keeps telling him she isnt ready and he says he wont stop asking till she changes her mind
Idk what to tell her, her bf thinks he'll be bored if they do nothing so i said maybe she could text him sexual things (NOT PICS, i said stories or erotic writings to entertain him if he keeps asking) so this doesnt ruin the relationship and i also told her to ask a health teacher and that hes probably being impulsive since he didnt start asking by asking abt std testing
What else can i say to her?? Idk what else to say to her

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It is my hope that what i ask here is answered for me and anyone else afraid to ask the same question :)

Posts: 133 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, if she's telling her boyfriend no, and he isn't accepting her no, but instead trying to wear her down until she says yes, that's coercion.

And that's a signal of someone it isn't safe for her to be around, and a signal of an unhealthy relationship. It's great she confided in you rather than keeping this secret.

You could send her here so we could talk with her more about that, tell her that yourself, and/or suggest she talk to a parent, teacher or counselor at school to get help.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Strange CT child
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I told her abt this site but she seemed a bit confused by its concept
This is the first guy shes dated (ive known him for 2 years and he isnt a bad kid but hes been acting more inappropriate lately) and she is still kinda at that stage where she isnt used to being around sexual beings (shes a freshman and im a sophmore and we were talking to our sophmore neighbor and he was saying he was abt to go have sex tonight which is how she told me abt her bf) and a lot of the things shes seeing or hearing (LGBT people and people talking abt having sex and masturbation) are a bit foreign to her which is normal, last year it took me a few months to get used to these things from other people, and so shes still learning and im worried she might get influenced into doing something she will regret later, one thing leads to another and she still doesnt understand that

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It is my hope that what i ask here is answered for me and anyone else afraid to ask the same question :)

Posts: 133 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, one thing doesn't really lead to another: people make choices and sometimes do things actively. But this is all within people's control.

However, if we stay around people who are showing or telling us they're not people who are safe for us to be around in certain ways, then we are much more likely to be harmed or hurt. Mind, that still isn't about "things" doing anything: it's about people doing things.

Are your parents active, engaged parents when it comes to talking with you and your sister about things like, safety, sex and relationships?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Strange CT child
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My parents r divorced and we live with my mom and shes kinda uncomfortable abt anything sexual
Im just worried cause my sis doesnt wanna be sexual but she doesnt wanna break up with her bf either

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It is my hope that what i ask here is answered for me and anyone else afraid to ask the same question :)

Posts: 133 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, it really sounds like you're going to need to think of someone -- yourself or with her -- for her to talk to about this who is very educated about these dynamics and can help her understand them.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Strange CT child
Activist
Member # 104246

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The health teacher at my school is good at this but idk if i should talk to him or her first...

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It is my hope that what i ask here is answered for me and anyone else afraid to ask the same question :)

Posts: 133 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why don't you ask her if she'd be up to going to talk to that teacher together? That way, she'd know she has your support, and you're also respecting her rights to privacy.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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